Life Notes: Current News

Hello, my dear readers, here is an update on what's going on in my life. Due to budget constraints, I am no longer working at The GEM Group in Lawrence, MA. The parting was amicable, if a bit tearful. I really liked the people I worked with while I was there. That particular job ended on Dec 28th.

I spent 2 months unemployed...

Then I got another job as a Jr. Web Developer for The Aberdeen Group in Boston, MA! I'm at the tail end of my 3rd week here and I like this place! It's fun. I'm actually writing code again! Of course, with every great thing, there has to be a catch. And in this case, it's the commute. Getting from Manchester, NH to Boston, MA and back every day is NO JOKE. It's a 2-2.5 hour journey each way. And it's not just driving either! I drive from Manchester to Lawrence, MA (30-45min). Then I get the commuter rail train from Lawrence, to Boston (45min + 15min wait time) and then I take a shuttle from North Station to my job. At night, I get to do the whole thing again! Only in REVERSE!!! Man, does that suck!

I find that I'm always tired now. It's getting better, but my sleep schedule hasn't quite completely adjusted yet, so I'm still getting tired spots at random times during the day. But it's getting better. Right now, I'm looking for a place back in Lawrence, MA. This would reduce my commute to just about an hour long train ride. I would move closer to Boston, but the closer you get to the city, the higher the rent is. For the same price, I can get one bedroom in a 3 bedroom apt with 2 strangers in Boston, or an ENTIRE two bedroom apt in Lawrence. What would YOU choose?

So, I'm currently pooling money for first, last and security deposit, so when I find a place I can just plop the money down and move in with no hassles. (If you're in the Lawrence/Methuen area, let me know if you know any good places!)

In the meantime, I'm doing my thing. Working to catch up on my bills and save $ for moving.

Thoughts On... PS4

Okay, I just finished watching the live stream of Sony's PlayStation Meeting 2013, which was basically the official reveal of the PlayStation 4. (Good bye Orbis!) They covered a lot of ground and if you're into gaming at all, I'm sure you have TONS of gaming websites that will go over every single minute detail of the stream, so I won't go into any detail. Plus, I'm not a reporter so I have no idea how to properly cover an event like this. What I will do is give you my impression of the meeting. And I can do it in a word: EXCITING!

So here are the broad strokes: They covered the machine specs of the console, debuted the final version of the PS4 Dualshock controller, talked about the overall design philosophy behind the PS4's creation, They had some game demos, some engine demos, and a couple of major announcements.

I like the new DualShock 4 controller. It looks wider, which is awesome cause I have HUGE hands. The drawback is that with the new Touchpad on the controller, I might have issues accessing features of the game by accident. I guess we'll have to see. They also integrated the PlayStation "Move" tech into the controller now, which I find.. interesting. It looks like they got rid of the "Start" and "Select" buttons, but I like the idea of the "Share" button. Which brings us to the philosophy of the PS4.

Despite the awesome technical stuff discussed and displayed at the meeting, I found myself most captivated by the philosophy of the PS4. The Lead PS4 system architect, Mark Cerny, stated that the development of the next gen console started 5 years ago, but they seemed to have tapped into a lot of really current ideas. Some stuff was expected, like game integration across all types of devices. (The DriveClub segment covered some interesting ideas on that front with the idea of racing in teams, and using apps to affect other parts of the game or create challenges for others to play.) What was most interesting for me is the idea of social integration into what Cerny called "the PlayStation ecosystem".

I like the idea of being able to easily share videos of my game play with friends (Most likely to help me out with whatever part I can't seem to beat), play games while they are downloading, and testing out games without downloading or paying for them. (That little tidbit was the only part of the whole conference that referred in any way to money. Again, interesting.) The coolest part was being to be a spectator, and watch the games my friends are playing (if they are broadcasting) and possibly jump in and help. For someone who is a hermit, I was actually impressed with the social media aspects of the PS4.

The game demos were cool. I'm loving "Watch_Dogs" more every time I see it. And, it looks like it will be available for PS3 and PS4. There's a new KillZone game coming for the PS4 which looked pretty awesome. Actually, so did the next Infamous game, Second Son. I was impressed with "The Witness" an upcoming puzzle game which reminded me a lot of Myst. But what really impressed me weren't the game demos per se, but the details in what I was seeing.

I have a background in computer programming, not game programming exactly, but I know about writing software. And as a developer myself, I know how difficult certain things are to create. I was truly amazed at the level of detail displayed in the game demos, but more in the ENGINE demos. The level of power to create such believable real time lighting effects while handling things like millions of particles flying around AND handling character movement and animation is simply astonishing.  Quantic Dream really FLOORED me with their new engine. I also LOVED Capcom's "Deep Down" demo. Again, the handling of the particulates was fantastic, but what really got me was the dragon fire. The flame was so fluid, and smooth; it was impressive.

There were several announcements, but the biggest one was the at the very end. The PS4 is coming for the holidays 2013. What they DIDN'T say is for how much. Or what the PS4 actually look like. All in all, the live stream was 2 hours of interesting stuff, and what they covered was interesting. And what they DIDN'T cover was also interesting. It looks like E3 is going to be a major battleground this year. As for this year's holidays, we'll see if I can afford to get a PS4. I might wait awhile on that.

If you saw the live stream, my dear readers, what did YOU think??

Thoughts On... The Best Kiss Of My Life (so far)

I don't know about you, my dear readers, but at the beginning of every new year, I find myself looking back on things. Not really for nostalgia purposes, although that does come into play a little bit, but more for life assessment on the order of "this is where I am, and that's how I got here". It comes in really handy for planning goals and the like for the upcoming year. At any rate, this particular post is about one distinctly interesting trip down memory lane I took after a discussion I had at a party I attended recently, with a friend on the topic of kissing. She was semi-drunk and doing most of the talking. I was mostly just trying to keep her from falling over.

After she passed out, I found myself thinking of the relatively small amount of romantic kissing I've done, what was MY greatest kiss? It turns out that the award for single best kiss of my life (so far) goes to my first girlfriend, Amanda. No, it wasn't our first kiss. That would just be too trite. Actually, this story is about a random kiss somewhere in the first month that Amanda (or Manne, as she liked to be called back then) and I were together. No, this kiss was special for a different reason. But first some background info: As you know my dear readers, I've always regarded my mind as my most precious resource.

One of my mind's greatest talents (and flaws from a certain viewpoint) is the ability to keep track of many different thought processes simultaneously. The drawback to this talent is that, at times, I find it difficult to keep focus on a single task due to all the competing and conflicting ideas floating in my head, vying for my attention. To be honest, a good portion of the women I meet I can't interact with because they just can't hold my interest. But Amanda was different, she was smart, creative, goofy and beautiful. Looking back on it now, our relationship was MAJORLY dysfunctional, but at the time it was awesome!!

Anyways, back to the story: One of my favorite places to hang out in college was this lounge area in McCullough Hall that was just past the main hall/stage area. There were some very comfortable chairs and a huge TV there. One day, I was hanging in the lounge and Amanda happened to be walking by, saw me, and came over to talk. As all new couples do, within a few minutes we were kissing. We had kissed before and it had been awesome. Electric, even. But this time it was different.

Our lips met, and my mind shut down. There were no other thoughts, there was no alternate ideas, no random problems from schoolwork that I was still trying to solve. My mind was perfectly still and in the moment. And all of my considerable intellect was focused on her. Her taste, her scent, the warmth of her breath, her hair brushing against my face; every aspect of my mind was taken up with her. Nothing else existed. The truth of reality at that instant was that she and I were the only occupants of the universe. It was with that kiss that I knew not only that I loved her (which wasn't really anything new, I had been in love with other women before), but that she loved me in return. (THAT was the part that was new. No one had EVER loved me BACK before her).

In real time, the kiss lasted maybe a minute. Ninety seconds at the longest. Subjectively, that kiss lasted for hours. Eventually, we came up for air. She had to go somewhere and said good bye. And that was it. The single best kiss of my life so far. As of this blog post, I've only ever had two girlfriends. The interesting part is that I had a similar experience with my next girlfriend. It wasn't nearly as powerful as it was with Amanda, but strong enough that I think that's my sign.

If I kiss a girl and feel anywhere close to the way I felt during that kiss with Amanda, I am sure that we are in love.

Top 5... Hottest Asian Actresses

I was sitting at McDonalds with one of my roommates passing the time until they stopped serving breakfast. As is the norm with us, we started coming up with "top 5" lists: top five movies, top five video games moments, top five hottest actresses, etc.  When we both came up with the hottest actresses list, I noticed that there weren't very many Asian actresses on the list.

Before I could say another word, I was taken in by the Asian Equality Agency. After the AEA agents had tortured me for hours, I finally broke and agreed to rectify my slight against the Asian peoples and create a top 5 list of the hottest Asian actresses. They released me, letting me know in no uncertain terms, that my release was contingent upon creating the list and publishing it here on my blog immediately!! Since, I don't want to go to prison, here is my top 5 hottest Asian list for your viewing pleasure!

5) Lucy Liu

The first time I remember seeing this gorgeous little fireball was in Payback. Later she became famous for her role in Ally McBeal, and now she graces us with her beauty every week as Joan Watson on Elementary! Crime solving never looked so good!! 









4) Ziyi Zhang

Like everyone else, I first saw Ziyi Zhang in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. At 21, she was beautiful. Now, she's heartrendingly gorgeous!!!








3) Maggie Q

I first noticed Maggie Q thanks to Die Hard 4. And I mean that sincerely, THANK YOU producers of DH4! And now that she's on Nikita, I get to watch her hotness every week!









2) Moon Bloodgood

I first saw Moon Bloodgood on this little known TV series called Daybreak and I was instantly smitten with her casual smoldering hotness!








1) Kelly Hu

Even though, she had a pretty good career in TV before this, I first saw Kelly Hu in The Scorpion King. And she was simply delicious then and is even MORE so, now. She had a guest appearance on Castle recently, and she is just as alluring as ever!











And there you are, my dear readers. (Pay attention AEA, I have complied! No prison for me!!!) My top 5 hottest Asian actresses. What do you think of my list? Sound off in the comments below!!

I just love, love, LOVE me some Kelly Hu!

A Little Help From My Friends...

There is a new TV show that I'm now completely in love with, my dear readers. It airs Monday nights at 9pm on FOX. The show is called: The Following. The story of the show centers around a retired FBI agent Ryan Hardy (played by Kevin Bacon) who is called out of retirement when the serial killer Joe Carroll (played by James Purefoy) , whom Hardy caught, escapes from death row. Hardy quickly catches Carroll, but during the course of the investigation finds out that during his time in prison, Carroll had created a cult of serial killers through various social media outlets. So even with Carroll behind bars, the case isn't over because of ... The Following... that Carroll has built.

I've watched two episodes of the show so far, and I have to tell you that this show has been nothing less than AMAZING!! There is this intoxicating mix of crime procedural, thriller, and character drama that is relentless. The show just grabs you and doesn't let you go. The best part of the story is that the story has so many options to explore. There's the typical stuff of investigating a crime and learning about the investigators, their lives and how the investigation takes its toll on them. But, with the cult aspect of the show, there's also this whole other avenue open to exploration: the members of the cult. It looks like there is going to be power plays between the members of the cult. They all love Joe Carroll, but that doesn't mean they all like each other. The lack of mindless belief in their leader gives so many levels of complexity to the show, it will be amazing to see how the producers of the show play it out.

I've always held the opinion that when you have masters working on their craft, you get superior work. So far, the writers of the show have proven this. However, my first interest in the show was because of the casting of Kevin Bacon. I've been a fan of Bacon since I first saw him in Footloose. (Yes, I watched the original film in the 80s. Shut up.) In his recent films, he's always delivered solid, very raw performances. He doesn't do a lot of polishing which makes his characters seem more like real people. Seeing him as a broken FBI agent who believes his best days are behind him was very provocative.

Then I found out that James Purefoy was on the show AND he was the main villain. That was just amazing news to discover. And after watching the first two episodes, Purefoy delivered so much more than I could have hoped. He has this insane intensity that he lends to the role of Joe Carroll that not only adds weight to the role, but allows you to fully believe that this man could inspire not only his students (Joe Carroll was a college professor before he turned to his life of crime), but also dozens, possibly hundreds of people to kill and/or be killed in his honor.

Watching the scenes with both of them together was like the first taste of the best meal you've ever had. The raw, broken, angry FBI agent facing off against the cultured, charismatic serial killer in a game of cat & mouse that is like no other simply because of its scope was truly riveting to watch. 

I've watched a lot of crime solving shows like CSI, Criminal Minds, Castle, etc. And the one thing they all have in common is that the truly great episodes come when the featured villain is competent and complex enough to provide a true challenge to heroes of the show. Especially when the challenge is so great that that heroes can believably lose to that villain. Those are usually the episodes that I really enjoy. The Following starts you with that villain, and because of the effort to maintain a close parallel to reality, the villain has every possibility of winning not only the battle, but the war.

Personally, the part I'm most excited to see is how they develop the cult aspect of the show. The idea that anyone, anywhere could be connected to the serial killer and/or be a killer themselves is just too enticing! If you are into this kind of material, my dear readers, I would truly recommend watching The Following. You will love it!

My Headspace...

It's been a long time since I've posted on the blog. I'm not going to apologize for it, but I can explain. Despite having the free time again, I have been feeling... not lost, but adrift. There is no motivation. No enthusiasm. No energy to do anything. It's like I'm unplugged from everything around me.

I go through the motions, say the right things, react the right way, but there's mostly just emptiness. There are moments when things seem normal, but the moments pass and I'm right back to the emptiness. One manifestation of that is the lack of ideas for writing posts for this blog. Hell, I've barely even LOOKED at this site for weeks. And when the ideas do come, I just write them down on a piece of paper or some text file on my phone or PC and then forget about it. Or maybe a quick little status update on Facebook, but nothing more. The interest just wasn't there.

I started this blog three years ago (Wow, three years??) because I wanted a forum where I could talk about things that interested me in a more full, and permanent way than just a quick FaceBook or MySpace status update. But what happens when I don't care enough to say anything about anything? Just look at the numbers. Last year I posted about 50 times on here. The year before was double that number, 2 years ago was TRIPLE. Am I just not caring about blogging? I don't think so, because I still write down ideas for blog posts. I just don't actually WRITE the posts. It seems the interest is there, but something is in the way. Or more accurately, the spark is there, but the flame never ignites.

Is this what is classified as depression? Or just obsessive boredom? Is there such a thing as "obsessive boredom"?

I try to connect, to plug back into life, but I find it difficult to care about others the way I used to. Back when I felt that I was the one who had to help everyone. I think it's called a "hero complex" or something similar. I used to believe it was an extension of being the eldest of my siblings. Being the responsible one for my family made sense of my life, and I pushed that out to everyone that I encountered. There was some "evidence" to support the theory, friends and family who had gone off the rails after I stopped being in regular contact with them. However, looking back on it now, I have to admit that it was just an empty measure of arrogance. People are responsible for their own lives. It's not MY job to help anyone but myself. Even those I care about (what few remain) are not mine to support. If they ask, I can, but it's not my CAREER, or main purpose in LIFE.

But without the philosophy of "I'm the eldest so I'm responsible", what else is there?

Some would say romance, but that has never worked for me. For whatever reason, I don't connect with the fairer sex. Not that I can't. Most of the women I know think I'm an amazing man, but I don't connect with women the right way to make romance work. I think mostly it has to do with the fact that I am most comfortable alone. But that's a tired topic, and I don't want to get into it yet again.

Some would say work, but that's not really an option. I'm currently unemployed again. Most of my jobs have lasted for about 2 years, so there really isn't an sense of stability there either.

Some would say friends, but all my friends are living their lives. Most are married, some even have kids. They are moving forward, realizing their goals. Their lives are full, there's no room for someone who is locked in stasis.

To be honest, I'm surprised that I'm writing this post at all. Maybe I'm coming out of it. Maybe my penchant for analysis is helping me break this in some way...

Maybe this is just another step into the emptiness.

Maybe this is just a symptom of being up at this late hour... Now I'm just rambling... Good night, my dear readers. I hope to post something more interesting next time.

Thoughts on... Gun control

I would like to preface this by saying that I believe the only guns we should have should be in video games.

My dear readers, this blog is usually full of fluff and nonsense. It's meant to be a vehicle for me to write out the thoughts that run across my brain and not to be a bastion of hard hitting journalism or soul changing philosophy. However, after the events that occurred in Newtown, CT there has been a lot of arguing about why these shootings keep happening. And this has sparked up, once again, the gun control debate in this country. And to be honest, there are valid points on both sides of that particular debate.

But if you really look at the cause of the issue (either the Newtown incident or gun violence in general), the problem isn't the guns, that's just a symptom. The problem is PEOPLE. In one of his comedy specials, Chris Rock proposed a unique idea to resolving the issue of gun violence in this country:

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollars, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

This statement, while meant to be a joke, has two pieces of remarkable insight. 1) That there are more ways to deal with gun violence than banning guns. After all, the GUN is protected by the U.S. Constitution, not the BULLETS the gun fires. 2) To really get to the source of gun violence you have to manipulate the PEOPLE. Charging $5K a bullet changes the entire framework of how people relate to guns. It's not just a few hundred dollars and a 15 day waiting period, now it's a MAJOR expense. You could buy a car for $5K, put a down payment on a house, go on a cruise, etc... So, is it really worth it to go shoot someone at that price? It gets you thinking and changing your behavior. This is called manipulation.

Governments have clued into this a long, long time ago. This is WHY they delve so deeply into controlling the information we receive. Controlling information controls what conclusions you make based on that information, those conclusions build your worldview, which controls how you think and react to the events around you. This is mind control. REAL mind control. Just on a very subtle scale. But at the end of the day, when you strip all the fancy terminology, it's just manipulation. However, the issue right now is how to reduce gun violence in schools.

And to be completely honest, I think Chris Rock's idea is a good one. so, up the price on all ammunition!! And then funnel all the proceeds of the inflated pricing into a pool of money for each state with IRONCLAD laws(meaning no legal wiggle room) that explicitly states the money will fund the following:

1) An expansion of school budget to hire a small squad of unemployed veterans to protect the school.

This lowers our unemployment rate (helps the economy), gives our veterans a sense of purpose (they are protecting our country's greatest resource our children), so suicide rate amongst them will drop, gives the school expert personnel to run school shooting drills, teach gun safety to the children (which will cut down on accidental shootings), help with PE (which can reduce the country's obesity problem), give self defense training to girls (reducing their chances of getting raped in the future), and increases the available staff for things like study halls and detention (freeing up time for teachers to get other work done).

2) The creation and maintenance of state run mental health programs so that the people of this country have access to way to ease the stresses of their lives and prevent them from going "postal" and shooting up schools.

Let's be honest. If the shooter was in therapy, he wouldn't have been shooting up the school. And with the awareness of the programs, people will become more mindful of the warning signs, in themselves and in their loved ones. Everyone goes through tough times, and invariably what gets us through it intact is the other people around us.

In the end, the idea is solve the problem from BOTH sides of the issue and not to argue over whether just getting rid of guns is the answer. Let's get real here, if guns weren't freely available, the Anarchist Cookbook (go and download it, it's freely available) shows many other amazing ways of killing people, including several delightful types of bombs. And people can freely murder each other with knives, belts, shoes, pillows, sticks, rocks, plastic bags, and the ever present hands and feet. Hell, in a TV show I watch when they ran out of bullets, they switched to swords. There has never, is never, will never be any shortage of available weaponry with which to be violent.

No, the real answer is work with people. Give them opportunities to express themselves; to vent their frustrations and anger in safe, non-lethal ways. Eventually, we can get to the point where we don't want to shoot each other. However, this is a long, involved process taking a great deal of time. In a country as attention deficient as the US, I'm not sure we can ever get there. But I hope that we can take the time and make the smart policy changes to get us there.