Rockin' Chicken Parm

Because I have so many friends who cook, I've gotten TONS of ridicule over my learning such a basic principle of cooking that you add seasoning while you cook. A friend of mine (a gorgeous little hottie named Jesca) started a recipes blog called Rockin' Recipes, and gave me permission to post one of her recipes here. Granted, I did re-write it for men since, let's face it guys, we can be food prep-challenged. Click here for the original un-edited recipe.

NOTE: If you are planning on using this recipe as part of a pre-meditated seduction, please make sure that your target is:

• A) Not a Vegetarian, and
• B) Not lactose-intolerant

Believe you me, the night will go a lot more smoothly if you have those facts ahead of time! And here's the Male version of Rockin' Recipe's Chicken Parmesan:
Your Weaponry:
3 Bowls
2 Sheets of Wax Paper
1 Baking Dish (A Cookie Sheet can be substituted)
1 Skillet
1 Stove with Oven

Your Ammunition:
4 Boneless & Skinless Chicken Breasts
2 Large Eggs
1 Cup Vegetable Oil
1 Cup Italian Seasoned Bread Crumbs
1 Cup Flour
1 pkg Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

A large amount of Pasta Sauce (your preference)
Some flour for dusting (your preference)
Some butter or margarine for greasing (your preference)

Battle Prep:
- Fill the bowls:
-- Bowl 1: Flour
-- Bowl 2: Eggs beaten within an inch of their lives
-- Bowl 3: Bread Crumbs (Optional: Add salt & pepper to taste.)

- Grease the Baking dish with your choice of butter

Battle Plan:

Stage 1:
On a stove top place oil in skillet and let heat. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

By this point, the chicken breasts have been making smart ass remarks, so you take each one and place it in between the two sheets of wax paper and beat the wiseass out of them! When they are about a quarter of an inch thick, they've learned their lesson.

Take one of the newly schooled chicken breast and pat it (on BOTH sides) in the flour. This dries the skin and allows the egg to stick a little better. Next, dip it in the egg.

Order some of the expendable crumbs to jump into the oil and test if it's ready. If the oil bubbles around them, it's time for stage 2.

Stage 2:
Take the chicken breast and dip both sides in the final bowl with bread crumbs. When the meat has a solid shield around it, transfer it to the hot oil. Cooking the chicken on both sides should take only 2-3 minutes. This is just to solidify the bread crumb shield into it's final golden brown form. While this is cooking, prep the next breast for its time in the oil.

Evac the finished chicken into the greased baking dish and place the next piece of chicken into the oil. keep going until all four have done their duty and are in the baking dish.

Pour a fair amount of your chosen pasta sauce on top. Then bake for 35 min. Then it's time for stage 3.

Stage 3:
At the 35 min mark, add the shredded mozzarella and then bake another 10 min until the cheese is browning. This chicken is now DONE!

Aftermath:
You can serve this with whatever other dishes you wish, or man up and eat it solo! Recommended team mates: Linguine (or any pasta, duh!), or serve on a bed of rice.Other than that, you're on your own for what else you want to serve with it.


NOTE: This recipe has been known to increase attraction and create a great deal of affection for the cook in those who eat it. Be warned: do not, I repeat, DO NOT serve this to someone you don't like!

An Interesting Discovery...

I have a confession to make, my dear readers, and it's a painful one. I don't know everything. No, seriously! I know that reading this blog has made you believe that I am an undeniable, never-ending font of knowledge, second only to the Lord God Himself!! But, alas, I am not. I am the first to admit, that there are whole realms of knowledge that I am not privy to. The current bane to my font of eternal wisdom and know-it-allness (yes, I know that's not a word! Just go with it...) is cooking.

Yes, the arcane and mystical art of food preparation is still very much a mystery for me. I can make cold cereal, scrambled eggs, mac & cheese, and a wide variety of sandwiches... but that's it. To be completely honest, most of my meals have been take out. Unfortunately, I don't have the money to continue that particular style of cooking, and so by necessity, I'm forced to cook for myself. And since I can't live on just the stuff I know how to make, I am also forced to learn how to make actual meals.

Which brings us to the topic at hand. I've learned recently (the last year or so) that you have to pre-season food in order for it to have any flavor. Yet, even with the most vigorous seasoning I could accomplish, I still couldn't get a truly flavorful meal. All my seasoning stayed at the outermost layer of whatever I was preparing. But, I recently got an idea: what if I put seasoning in with the food while it was cooking AS WELL as when I prepare it for cooking?? Last night, I tested my theory. I took my chicken and seasoned it as normal with my old faithful, Goya Adobo, a seasoning mix that is used in practically all latin cooking consisting of garlic powder, onion powder, salt, black pepper, dry orégano brujo, and occasionally dried citrus zest.

I got a pot and put some corn oil in, and then crumbled up a cube of chicken bouillon in the oil. I heated up the oil and put my chicken in. It took about 15-20 min, but I came out with some very tasty chicken. Of course, I also burned the oil/bouillon mix that I was cooking the chicken in, but at least the theory held!!!

Now, I know that the experienced cooks reading this all are shaking your heads at me and grumbling any number of names at me. In my defense, I don't watch cooking shows, I wasn't trained in cooking, nor have I taken any cooking classes outside of high school Home Ec. This is all new to me, so cut me a break! For my next trick: how to get rice to not come out as a sticky mush better suited for sushi!

I think I might be aiming a little high....