Greatness Awaits No More...

So, I'm someone who has been dealing with technology for a long time. And one of the things that I've learned about tech is to NEVER get the first version of the technology because there's always a greater chance of bugs. After all, there's only so much testing you can do in a lab, so there will always be unforeseen bugs when a new piece of tech is made available to the real world. In keeping with that I wasn't going to attempt to get a PlayStation 4 at launch. Plus, with the speed at which all the systems available for pre-order were snapped up, I didn't think there was a snowball's chance in hell of getting one without a pre-order.

Funny Thing Happened This Morning...

Here's a bit of humor to start your day, my dear readers.

I found out this morning, that my apt holds grudges. I don't know why it's pissed off at me, but I must have done something. Here's what happened. As I was leaving the apt this morning, I saw one of my roommates getting ready to go to work. I offer a ride and they agree. I open the apt door, then open the screen door(which has a loose lower panel), say, "Okay, I'll go warm up the car", and step outside.


In retrospect, I realize that was my mistake. Stepping outside.

The battle started with the doormat. The little fucker slid just as my foot landed so my leg just went out from under me. The screen door then screeched at me and smacked me while I was falling to alter my trajectory and I ended up falling to my right. I was wearing my backpack, which cleverly blocked the porch floor's attack. But, that pissed off the side wall who proceeded to crack me in the back of the head while angrily shouting, "Muthafucker!!"

As my head rebounds off the wall, the lower panel of the screen door puts King Leonidas to shame yelling, "SPARTA" and detaching itself from the rest of the door and flying directly at my face just in time to add the energy from my rebounding head to its strike.

Their anger sated, for the moment, they disengaged from me and allowed my roommate to help me regain my feet. When they asked what happened, I realize that the blitz attack happened so fast, no one else but me saw the real events of the attack.

I would like to say that I held up a lot better in this fight. I really do, but I can't. They caught me by surprise and it was 5 to 1 (doormat, screen door, wall, floor, and lower panel) odds. Plus, I'm a lover not a fighter, so I was doomed from the start. If this happens again, I hope I'll be ready and handle myself better.  

But, I swear to you, my dear readers, that is EXACTLY what happened. So, beware of your apt, it might just be pissed at you, too!

Top 10... Sci-Fi "Yo Mama" Jokes

For those of my dear readers who are too young to remember, back in the day, we had a quirky phenomenon in comedy for those of lower income. We couldn't afford the stuff that the "rich kids" had, and we often lamented our sorrows to each other. Inevitably, somewhere this started a competition over who was worse off. Then during this battle, someone's mom called them in for dinner or something. And th kids were having such a good time, they started grumbling about the kid's mom who called him away. The kid hearing this of course wanting to defend his mom started firing back with his own insults. Then it became a battle of who can come up with the most insulting comment. Something SO BAD, it would just shut the other kid up. Battles would go on for hours!! And the one rule, you could NOT repeat a joke! This is what started the whole bunch of jokes along the lines of:

Yo' Mama is so STUPID, she jumped out a window and went UP!!

To which people responded with "oooooh" and then the person you were battling came up with their own retort.

Yo' Mama is so FAT, she irons her clothes in the DRIVEWAY!!

Today, I found a video of Sci-Fi based Yo Mama jokes!!! To view the video you can click here. The audio is kind of shabby so I wrote out the list below. Check 'em out!!

10) Yo Mama is SO fat, the Enterprise's 5 year mission was to get around her!

09) Yo Mama got so many reverse polarity muon fluxes, she needs a re-calibrated reverberating
hydrospanner just to avoid the particle acceleration side effects!!

08) Yo Mama is so dumb, she thinks S-Y-F-Y is the right way to spell Sci-Fi!

07) Yo Mama is so ugly, SkyNet sent a Terminator back in time to smack her PARENTS!

06) Yo Mama is so fat, they had to beam her down is separate pieces!

05) Yo Mama is so dumb, she likes Star Trek Nemesis!

04) Yo Mama is so old, Cthulu signed her yearbook!

03) Yo Mama is so fat, I ate the SPICE and I STILL can't see the end of her butt!

02) Yo Mama is so fat, Jabba said, "DAMN!!"

01) Yo Mama is so fat, it takes TWO rings to bind her!

My personal favorite is #7. I've also been working on a few of my own:
**) Yo Mama is so ugly, after busting out a guy's chest & seeing her, the baby Alien went BACK IN!
**) Yo Mama is so nasty, they named her fart the Death Star!
**) Yo Mama is so dumb, when she heard "Tardis" she got feathers to go with it!!
**) Yo Mama is so ugly, not even Captain KIRK would hit that!!
**) Yo Mama is so old, she makes the Emperor look like a teenager!
**) Yo Mama is so dumb, when she heard "lightsaber" she thought it had less calories!!

What about YOU, my dear readers? Give me some of your best Sci-Fi Yo Mama jokes!!

To My Eternal Shame...

Despite my deep and abiding love for music, there are several arenas of music that don't really appeal to me. One of these arenas is the Musical. There are very few (about 4, actually) that I can honestly say that I like. Mostly because the bulk of musical theater can only get either the story OR the music right. It's rare for me to find musicals that get both of them. The musical I revile the most is Grease. I hate that movie with a passion that is almost holy.

The music sucks, the story is garbage, and the acting....BLECH!! Yet, despite my well advertised dislike for that damned movie, I get repeatedly bludgeoned with it by friends, family, even my beloved television programs. Earlier today, I was working on a playlist (Upbeat Mix 2nd Series Disc 3) when a song came into my head that I could barely remember. In fact, I could only remember a couple of lines from the chorus. I did some research online and, much to my horror, I found the origin of that song.

Now, I know what you're thinking, that the song I was remembering came from Grease, but no. That wasn't it. My research showed me something much, MUCH worse. The song came from......

Grease II

Yes, my dear readers, it's true... There is one song that exists in that atrocious hellhole of melodious torture known as Grease-related music that actually appeals to me.



 

 

Now, before you lose all respect for me, I do have three points in my defense!! One: This song is one the final releases of the old school Motown sound, but recorded in the early 80s when technology made recording music much higher quality. Two: It's song by the FOUR TOPS!!! One of the greatest groups in the history of music! Second only to the Temptations!! And Three: It's only that SINGLE track! Nothing else appeals to me!! That has to count for something, right? 

Right? 

 

I know, I know. I can only hang my head in shame, as I join the vast, unwashed masses who worship Grease and Grease II, if only for the one song. *sigh* Can you ever forgive me?

Things I Miss About Having A Girlfriend...

Last week was an interesting week for me. Mostly because it was the first week where my job search really paid off. I had two interviews that week, which is a record for me so far. The other reason it was an interesting week is because on the way back from the interview I had in Acton, a very strange thing happened. A car that was driving next to me on the highway started beeping it's horn to get my attention, when I looked a girl had rolled down the window and lifted her shirt, displaying her rather impressive chest! To be completely honest, it was a shocking event, but also completely awesome!

It did get me thinking about a great many things regarding women and my relationships with them. Funnily enough, it wasn't anything bad, just stuff I miss. Granted, I haven't had many girlfriends and the ones I did have were wildly different, but they all had certain key qualities that resonated with me. I miss those qualities, which brings us to the point of this post.

For some bizarre reason, it's considered unmanly to admit to actually liking women. I have no idea why since the point of heterosexual males is to get women. I've never really understood that, but whatever. Here I am, acting all unmanly and saying that I miss having a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong the day-to-day realities of a relationship are difficult at times, but there are certain things that I liked having while I was with a girl.


For example, I miss:

-- the way kissing her erased all the problems in the world and reminded me that the two of us were the only things that mattered.

-- the joy I felt in knowing she cared enough to worry about my happiness.

-- the scent of her in my bed reminding me of her while she was away.

-- the coolness she would try to display when she was worried about my opinion on something important to her.

-- the rush I got every time I did something to make her happy.

-- the look on her face when I tell her I love her.

-- the way she whispered my name in the night.

-- the thrill I got when I came home and she was there.

-- the unconscious gestures of possession she made when other women paid undue attention to me.

-- the hidden signs of approval I got from other guys when they saw me with her.

-- the warmth of her in my arms.


Please remember, these things are not tied to any one particular girlfriend, but to all of them. They are the small items that when they connect in my head, and my heart, tell me that I'm in a real, solid relationship. Tell me, my dear readers, what are the things that make a relationship real for you?

Sulu Speaks Seeking Star Slander Cessation....

Recently, there has been a battle going on in the CyberWeb InterSpace, my dear readers. A re-ignition of the Eternal battle between Star Trek & Star Wars, instigated by none other than Capt. James T. Kirk himself: William Shatner. And Princess Leia, Carrie Fisher, responded.

Now, in an attempt to unite the two feuding fandoms, George Takei steps in as the ambassador for Star Peace in his unique position as the ONLY actor (at this time) who has EVER starred in BOTH!! Yes, that's right, my dear readers. George Takei is bad-ass enough to have starred in not only Star Trek as Sulu (Come on, you all KNEW that, right?), but also as Lok Durd in the Star Wars: Clone Wars tv series!! (That one I don't expect you'd have known... Hell, *I* didn't even know that until today! Which is why I'm taking the time to educate YOU as well!!)

And so, George Takei calls forth the two universes of Star Trek and Star Wars to join together in harmony and in battle against the TRUE ENEMY of us all: TWILIGHT.

Gone is any sense of heroism, camaraderie or epic battles. In its place, we have vampires that sparkle, moan and go to high school. Now, I'm not above mixing in a little sex appeal to spice up the fantasy, but sci-fi fans be warned, there are no great stories, characters or profound life lessons to be found in Twilight. Nooo…In Twilight, the only message that rings through loud and clear is: 'Does my boyfriend like me?'

Buffy, Blade... We're counting on you!!!

Strange Events Today...

Today has become kind of surreal for me. First, I realize that all my clothes are starting to feel looser than they were before. I have 3 pairs of jeans, 1 pair that is blue and 2 that are black. The blue jeans were always loose on me. One of the black jeans was a little tighter than the blue but still kinda loose. The other black jeans were tight. Both of my black jeans were so tight in fact, that I didn't need belts to wear them. Yesterday, around mid-afternoon I noticed that I had to keep pulling up my jeans (they were a black pair). Today, I grab the other black jeans and the same thing starts happening, to the point where I had to dig around to find my belt or risk my pants sliding half way down my butt and making me look inappropriately cool (NOT).

Secondly, at lunch today, one of my co-workers tells me that there is a noticeable difference in my appearance! I've been looking at myself and referencing an old pic (prior to all of this) and I have NOT seen a difference. Then a second co-worker concurred! This part is cool, but kind of unbelievable.

Finally, there's my walk. One, I noticed that I've gained speed again. I'm now at 6 min per quarter mile. Which is great, until you realize that the same 18 min that it took me to do 2 laps, I'm now doing THREE laps!! DAMNIT!!!! What's worse is, I did 3 laps and I only had minor cramping in my back. It looks like my new shoes and insoles are helping out my cause.

But this walking thing is getting kind of dangerous, I was almost hit by a FedEx truck during my second lap. I'm still a big guy, I can't believe the guy almost didn't SEE me!! But I'm okay and it looks like this new diet stuff might actually be working!

Looney Tunes Auto Insurance

I've always found the art of filming commercials interesting. Such a short time to hawk a product to millions of people. And very few make good ones. One such company is my car insurance company, Geico. For years, their commercials have had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!! (or ROTFLMAO for those of you who can't read normal english anymore)

I just saw a new commercial (to me) for Geico that I think is hysterical!! Check it out:





However, my favorite commercial is the one with "the Movie Trailer Guy" Don LaFontaine. *does the voice*

In a world where no recognizes a man, his voice becomes memorable..

Check out this one:





That is by far my FAVORITE Geico commercial!!

Weird Al's Latest...

This is one of the many reasons I hate being sick. Aside from the pain and personal issues, I'm not able to keep up with current events. On June 20th, Weird Al finally released the video to his parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" called "Perform This Way". I think Al has completely out done himself this time! Check it out:





Absolutely hilarious!! Although, I would like to see the making of for this video, if for no other reason than to see who was Al's "stand-in" for the video. I can't wait to get this album.

Internet Meme-O-Rama Returns!!!

And here I thought that there couldn't be any more questions to answer on the CyberWeb NetSpace. But here's another one, courtesy of that ingenious time waster: Facebook!! Feel free to copy and paste on your pages, blogs, journals, etc...  Just remember to come up with YOUR OWN ANSWERS!!!

01. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Coke

02. Where was your profile picture taken?
Cedar Crest in Lawrence, MA

03. Can you play Guitar Hero?  
Yes. We won't discuss my skill level 

04. Name someone who made you laugh today?  
Joanie at work.

05. How late did you stay up last night and why?  
11pm, I was watching TV!! Do you know who River Song is?

06. If you could move somewhere else, would you?  
Yes, I would.

07. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Nope.

08. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
I don't really know. I think Jenn lives closest.  

09. Do you believe ex's can be friends?  
Yes, I'm friends with all of my exes. It might take awhile, but it happens. 

10. How do you feel about moutain dew?
It makes my feet damp in the morning. It's why I don't like going camping.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
A few days ago. I was watching a comedy special and I was laughing so hard, tears were streaming out my eyes...

12. Who took your profile picture?  
My youngest sister

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I don't actually remember.

14. Was yesterday better than today?  
Not really...

15. Can you live a day without TV?  
Yes, it's called reading! And there's something about it being fun & mental... or something..

16. Are you upset about anything?  
Not at the moment, but give it time..

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it??  
Always...

18. Are you a bad influence? Me? Really?  
Nah.. I don't influence anyone, people make their own decisions.. Honestly!

19. Night out or night in?  
Depends on the activity.. 

20. What items could you not go without during the day?  
I can go without pretty much everything.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?  
My Mom a long time ago...

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
It's my little sister asking for help with Zelda.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
As my other sister says.... Meh..

24. Do you hate anyone right now?  
I hate the Lannisters! Those sodding, bastard screwing asswipes!!!

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?  
A bunch of messages.. Seriously, who's coming up with these questions?? 

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Of course, I'm strange enough as is, I don't need drugs.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?  
Yes, a perfect pain in the ass!!!

28. What song is stuck in your head?
Bailamos by Enrique Iglesias.. 

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?  
A beautiful woman wanting to have wild sex with me! Of course, I sleep like a corpse so she'd have to be knocking for a LONG, LONG time.

30.Wanna have grand kids by the time you're 50?   
Nah... 50 is the new 30!

31. What do you have to do tomorrow?
Work, laundry... work...

32. Do you think too much or too little?  
There is NO SUCH THING as thinking too little!! How dare you suggest such a thing!!

Fun in the News...

Do you know what I like, dear readers? I like watching masters at work. I like seeing someone who is exceedingly good at whatever task, working at that task. It really becomes interesting when the task is comedy. Especially when the comedian comes up with something so ridiculous, so outlandish that THEY THEMSELVES can't help but laugh. It's rare when it happens to the master comedians out there, but when it does, it's truly side-splitting stuff. For example, here's a Daily Show clip from 2003, where Steven Colbert is doing a report on an "alleged" sex scandal concerning Prince Charles.

The Daily Show - Prince Charles Scandal
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The reason that this comes to mind is because of Colbert's report on the Government avoiding the shutdown and why there is no need for Planned Parenthood.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Pap Smears at Walgreens
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

Dude, it made it ten times funnier that Colbert couldn't make it through the bit without breaking down in laughter. There are times, though, when I have to believe that the rest of the world looks at us here in the United States and shake their heads in disbelief at what passes for government here!

30 Day Song Challenge in ONE Day...

Floating around FaceBook right now is this Meme about a song challenge where everyday for 30 days, you have to post a YouTube video of a song. I really have no patience for this, plus my CyberNet access is spotty so I wouldn't be able to add videos for 30 consecutive days. So I decided to put them all in ONE post. So there, HAH!!

Anyway, here is my list for the 30 Day Song Challenge.. and it only took me ONE day to do it!!!

01 - your favorite song
Cee Lo Green - Bright Lights, Bigger City

02 - your least favorite song
Grease - You're The One That I Want

03 - a song that makes you happy
Michael Jackson - Thriller

04 - a song that makes you sad
Billy Ocean - There'll Be Sad Songs To Make You Cry

05 - a song that reminds you of someone
Rockapella - Zombie Jamboree

06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
Eric Clapton - Layla

07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
Aaliyah - Try Again

08 - a song that you know all the words to
Everlast - What It's Like

09 - a song that you can dance to
Lou Bega - Mambo #5

10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
Enya - Orinoco Flow

11 - a song from your favorite band
Miami Sound Machine - Conga

12 - a song from a band you hate
Rascal Flatts - Life Is A Highway

13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
Backstreet Boys - Everybody

14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
Britney Spears - Hit Me One More Time

15 - a song that describes you
The Temptations - Can't Get Next To You

16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
Carl Orff - O Fortuna (Remix)

17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
Meatloaf - I Would Do Anything For Love

18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
Tangerine Dream - Loved By The Sun

19 - a song from your favorite album
Blues Brothers Soundtrack - Minnie The Moocher

20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
Eminem - White America

21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
Jennifer Lopez - Let's Get Loud

22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
Queen - Who Wants To Live Forever?

23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
Da Buzz - Love & Devotion

24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
Queen - Another One Bites The Dust

25 - a song that makes you laugh
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Don't Download This Song

26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
Henry Mancini - The Pink Panther Theme

27 - a song that you wish you could play
Tommy Dorsey - I'm Getting Sentimental Over You

28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
There isn't one...

29 - a song from your childhood
Charlie Dore - Pilot Of The Airwaves

30 - your favorite song at this time last year
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love (Moto Blanco Remix)


And there you have it, folks!! My 30 day song challenge answers!!! Listen and GROOVE along!!!

Top Ten Reasons Having a Toddler Is Like Being At A Frat Party...

Now, anyone who's dealt with little children (as in below the age of 3) knows that they are no joke. While they can be adorable at times, they can also be crazy, wild, out of control, and completely reckless. In fact, it's just like being at frat party.

Tricia, a friend of mine who is currently dealing with the whirlwind of a toddler, has found a list written by someone who is also overwhelmed, made that connection, and decided to laugh about it. Here now are the top ten reasons having a toddler is like being at a frat party:

#10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

#9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

#8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

#7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

#6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

#5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

#4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

#3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

#2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

And the #1 reason having a toddler is like being at a frat party:

#1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there!!!

Internet Meme-O-Rama: Cycle 3: The Search for Memes

This is the last time I am going to copy off my friend David's blog! For this month... No, I'm serious. I won't copy David's blog for the rest of this week! I promise! I will place my right hand on anything you deem holy and swear that I will not copy David's blog for the rest of today. Why are you still looking at me like that?

It's almost like you don't believe me! Okay, look, I'm being honest here. While you're getting over your trust issues, check out the final set of answers for this deceptively complex psychological analysis of my subconscious mind.

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?

Too many to name. No, I'm serious! Don't believe me? Fine. Tell me when you've had enough: Californication, Leverage, House MD, Lie To Me, How I Met Your Mother, Castle, V, Angel, Brimstone, Fringe, Supernatural, CSI, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Quantum Leap, Star Trek: The Next Generation, The X-Files, Knight Rider, MacGyver, The A-Team, Brimstone, The Others, Eyes, Nikita, The Vampire Diaries, Everwood, 24, Alias, Heroes, Farscape, Invisible Man, First Wave, Numb3rs... What? Tired already? Told you!

I'm currently geeking out over Criminal Minds, though.

69. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?

Play them against each other so they are too busy to bother me.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Strawberry

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?

Of course, how do you expect me to count to 20?

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?

Of course, I do! If I had my way, my whole HOUSE would be a computer!! (You'll notice this is a different question from David's list. That's because I went to the ORIGINAL for this list of questions!! Ha ha!!)

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?

Cook dinner, eat, watch Criminal Minds!

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?

Silicon Valley! No, wait Atlantis... THE MOON!! Alpha Centauri? Hmm, I can see how this could require some thought.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

Don't really care. This is just fun for me!!

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?

Broth from my soup.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

My friend, Ellie.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE SEX(ES) YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?

I notice her soul! The best parts of her personality, the aweso... Okay, let's be honest here. I'm a man. I notice her boobs and butt.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

Read, write, watch television, play video games, debate issues with friends, make out with women..

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?

Idiocy!

82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?

I was going to put something funny here, but I figured why start now? My favorite season is Fall. The warmth of summer mitigated by the chill of winter, and without the rain of spring. And all the pretty colors as a bonus.

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?

My favorite type of Candy is the one with the 3 sizes too small Nurse's outfit. She has this one trick where she can blow out a candle without using... *gets pulled aside* Huh? Oh.. OH!! Um, yeah I don't eat candy. I prefer gum.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?

Yes.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?

Black

86. EYE COLOR?

Dark Brown

87. SHOE SIZE?

13-15 W, depending on the style of shoe. And yes, everything they say about big feet is true!

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

Detroit Fried Chicken in Newark, NJ.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?

Outback Steakhouse!

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?

Yes!

91. WATCH TV TODAY?
Not yet. But I will.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

Halloween!

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?

Yes, I play trombone and the Baritone Horn. No, NOT baritone SAX, Baritone HORN. Yes, there is a difference. Look it up!!

94. POLITICAL PARTY?

I'm not associated with any political party.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?

I prefer kisses myself. Especially long, lingering ones...

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?

Definitely relationships! There's more chances for manipulation, deceit, and humiliation! You know all the necessities of a long term relationship.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?

Gas. No worries, I didn't need that soul anymore...

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSESPOUSE?

I wouldn't mind having a Sugar Momma..

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

Right now? Ghost Story by Jim Butcher. I went a year into the future picked myself up a copy and then came back to the present to read it.... Yes, I could have just said none, but that wouldn't be creative!

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:

Love life? Dude, I fill out internet questionnaires  for fun. I don't have a love life. I couldn't name 5 women who want to be in love with me. Or as the french would say, Qu'est que c'est "love life"?


Thusly, we have concluded the Internet Meme-O-Rama. I thank you for your kind attention and beg of you to comment below. Once again, thank you.. Now, GET OUT!!!! 

Internet Meme-O-Rama - Cycle Two: The Meme Strikes Back!

I was sick this weekend, and since I didn't have anything better to do, I decided to continue copying my friend, David's blog, and continue with this really stup.... er.. stupendous, yeah that's right STUPENDOUS questionnaire!! :-)

Oh, and one further note: #36 was pissing me off, so I erased it from existence. I got some heat from the mathematicians, so I brought the number back, but the question is gone forever! Not even David could find it!!  *cue evil genius laugh*

Okay, so, without further ado (what the hell is ado, anyway?), here is part two: The Meme Strikes Back...


34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR HOME COUNTRY?
 Actually, I have. When I was younger, I went to my family's country of origin: the Dominican Republic. I don't remember much about the trip except for the flying cockroaches. They were fun!!

35. WEAKNESSES?

Weaknesses? Qu'est que c'est "Weaknesses"?

37. FIRST JOB?

My first job... Hmm... Ah, yes. I worked as a landscaper at a cemetary. Cutting grass all day was fun!

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

That's a negative, ghost writer!

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?

This post says all I have to say on that subject. Even if it is badly written, and is in SORE need of updating.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?

I was working and being a productive member of society. Now? Not so much...

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?

Yes, I did. I had my appendix removed. It was one of the scariest moments of my life! My first surgery! I keep my appendix in a nice little jar on my coffee table. It's a great conversation piece!

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

My hands. Which is kind of ironic, considering I rarely touch people.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?

Nope. My teeth are fine where they are!

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

A HUGE dance party! With tons of hot women in skimpy clothes grooving (meaning bouncing and jiggling) to some good music! And lots of presents for me!! And one of those women to spend the night with me!!

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND WHAT DO YOU WANT THEIR NAMES TO BE? (OR IF YOU HAVE KIDS, TELL US ABOUT THEM.)

Given my personal history, I don't think it's a good idea for me to reproduce. But if I do inflict my progeny on the world, names that I like are Diana (for Pestilence), Vanessa (for Famine), Lester (For War), and Ezekiel (For Death).

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I was named after some kid in a McDonalds commercial. My mother says the boy was so cute. Personally, I think my mother was on drugs and didn't tell anyone. It was the late 70s after all!

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE SEX(ES) YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?

Idiocy. I can't stand idiots!!

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?

My crew in the Marching Band!

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?

Head & Shoulders. "But, you don't have dandruff!" I know.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Actually, I do. Especially since it appears to be some kind of code that only I can decipher!! I was thinking about licensing it out to the NSA, but then why add to the U.S. mighty empire?

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Salami!! I loves me some salami!! There's a dirty joke in here... can you think of it?

52. ANY BAD HABITS?

Me? Bad habits? I am PERFECT!! Do you hear me? PERFECT!!

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?

Did you not read my last response? What do I have to be jealous of?

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Of course, I'm an interesting, and funny man. And only SLIGHTLY creepy.

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

Official Guy Answer: Hell, yeah!!
Honest Truth for me: Not really. The concept works in theory, but in practice.... too many people get hurt.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Honestly? No. I've been with gorgeous women that I couldn't stand to look at because of how stupid they are! It's all about how one feels with the other person.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

Play video games, sing along to Eminem "It's so empty without ME!!", answer silly internet based questionnaires.

58. WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS?

I'd rather lose 58 pounds. Plus another couple hundred or so..

59. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?

To understand everything.Yes, I know it's impossible. But having an unattainable goal keeps me humble, just look at my response to #52. Trust me, I need humility!

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

The red car from the M.A.S.K. cartoons!

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?

Um, all of them? 0-9 are all in my cell. That's how I DIAL the numbers, people. Are you even thinking when coming up with these questions?

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?

I have to thank all that is good and holy that Barney did not exist when I was a kid.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Me? Use sarcasm? That would be like dogs wanting to bury bones. Please...

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?

BOTH!!!

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A LOVER?

Two important qualities: Intelligence and the willingness to admit to being romantically involved with me.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Too many to be listed and none that I'd like to announce to the world.

67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?

This is easy! Control over the electromagnetic spectrum. With that power, I get so many others, like flight, energy blasts, etc...

Thus ends Cyle Two... Prepare for Cycle Three: Reven.... RETURN of Meme later on...

Internet Meme-O-Rama - Cycle One

I've been running low on ideas for blog posts for a little while, and so I did what I always do. Look around for inspiration. And, one of my friends,David, came through in the clutch!! Of course, he stole the idea of this post from one of his followers, who in turn stole it from a blog called Sunday Stealing. Still, it's all in good fun.

As I understand this, the list of questions is split into three cycles. This is Cycle One. Just note, some of these questions have been answered in a sarcastic and humorous fashion. You've been warned! Ready? Here we go...


1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Well, there's the one on my left thumb. Actually, it's a rather boring story. In eighth grade, I fell down the stairs of my school's amphitheater and scraped my hands up pretty good. That scar on my thumb is the last remnant of that event. Told you it was boring...

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Posters. Of Dragons, and various movies!!

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
I sleep like the dead, so I have no idea. But I've been told that if I sleep in the wrong position, I snore. Take that as you will.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
I listen to everything. I know everyone says this but it's true. Check out this list of artists from my iTunes playlist at work: Ram Jam, Coolio, Tyrese, Lily Allen, Bloodhound Gang, Hoobstank, Bob Seger, Paulina Rubio, Huey Lewis & The News, Billy Ocean, Jennifer Lopez, Evanescence, Babyface, Leona Lewis, Rihanna, Offspring, Apache Indian, Daft Punk, Golden Earring, Pink, Styx... I think you get the idea..

5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
I believe it was sometime around 2 am...

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Come on, I'm a man, do you really have to ask? Money! Lots and lots of money! Like $100K would be awesome!

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss having intense debates with fellow geeks and nerds!

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My movies. Yes, my precious movies... my precioussss...

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
I am six feet tall. With afro: 6 and a half feet.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not unless my life is in danger...

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Only when the lights are on.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Denis Leary during his latest comedy special. I was laughing so hard, I was crying!

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Losing what little sanity I have left. At least that's what the Voices tell me!

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?
I tend to go for dark colors. But I am open to anything.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
See, I'm something of a goofball, so I'll go for whatever she finds romantic.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Neither. I go for Coke. or Pepsi.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni. Classic, timeless... awesome.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Lasagna! Nature's perfect food!

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Dude, look at the formatting for this blog. Black, duh!

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? 
No, but I had a teacher named Goldfish!

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? 
My first girlfriend sent me a card for no other reason than I was a good boyfriend.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? 
On a regular, everyday person? Not anymore... See further down for my celebrity crush!

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No, but wouldn't it be awesome!

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Once again, I'm a guy. My favorite clothing is black and comfortable. End of story.

25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
This is a two part question. My favorite Female celebrity is Alyssa Milano. Goofy, gorgeous, and smart! Male celebrity...I'd say David Boreanaz.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
No, I could never live with an animal that found me an acceptable roommate!

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
Ah, yes. It's a Non-Existent, Non Corporeal Being. They make such great pets!

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
It's my opinion that you can't control falling in love, but if I could, I would. Just because a person is leaving doesn't mean they aren't coming back!

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED?
"A # from 1 2 a 100". People come up with some tougher questions!!

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes! Not that blondes are excluded, mind. But the way I see it is like this: Blondes may have more fun, but brunettes are more naughty!

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"I may not like what you say, but I will defend with my life your right to say it." There is some debate as to who said this quote, but I attribute it to Voltaire..

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
New York City. The place were I was grown... where you can stand out and be anonymous all at the same time. Gotta love the NYC!!!


Thus concludes Cycle One! Prepare for Cycle Two sometime later.....

And While Jon Has The Floor...

I've been trying to come up with a post about the shooting in Arizona, but I couldn't quite get a handle on it. And then, I was watching the news and suddenly an angle appeared to me. Just when I was about to write it out, Jon Stewart beat me to it...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Veiled Criticism
www.thedailyshow.com

More on the iPhone coming to Verizon...

Yesterday, I put up this blog post about Verizon's announcement that they will be carrying the Apple iPhone in February. The basic gist of which is that while it's a cool idea, my life has not really been changed by the announcement. There are other viewpoints out there, and in the interests of fairness I am compelled to post this video as a counterpoint to my earlier comments. It was... a moral imperative.

And now for the rebuttal, I give you... Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Verizon iPhone Announcement
www.thedailyshow.com

Awesome Commercial Idea

Anyone who owns a tv has seen those Axe commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about where some average looking guy sprays on some Axe spray or uses Axe shower gel or some other product and then is this chick magnet, where women can't help but throw themselves and start grabbing all over him and nuzzling at him. As much as I would love to be that guy, I'm honestly getting tired of those commercials. They are just becoming trite and derivative. What they need is to be a bit more exciting.

Check out this mock commercial for an "Axe-like" product called Saber. This is the type of commercial I would LOVE to see!!

A Modern Day Christmas Greeting...

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all...

And, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of the other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to age, race, creed, color, religion, national origin, disability, or political affiliation.

(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him/herself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)