Top Ten TV Crushes of My Youth

When I was little, my mother had this paranoid idea that if she let me run around outside on the streets of Manhattan, I would become some kind of thug or criminal. Based on this belief she kept me locked up in our 3rd floor apt (or at my aunt's apt next door). Being a child with an agile mind in need of a great deal of entertainment, I turned to watching TV... a LOT of TV.  To be honest, I don't even remember all the shows I used to watch growing up. But, every once in awhile an idea comes along to spark a trip down memory lane. A little over a month ago, my good friend David gave me that spark. He came up with a post on his top ten TV crushes of his youth, and the idea came alive in my head. Hence, this post. But first, about crushes...

Top 10 Romantic Comedies...

Okay,  I hereby adhere to the promise I made in my previous post and present to you my choices for the top ten romantic comedies. You'll notice that they aren't your typical entries in the genre. Now, please remember the rules, any all time favorites are banned from this list. Frankly if a movie is good enough to be my all time favorite, it's unfair to compare it to other movies. So rom-coms like The Princess Bride and Groundhog Day are disqualified.

Second, these have to be FAVORITES. Movies that I'd be down to watch whenever the opportunity presents itself, no matter what mood I'm in. Happy, sad, depressed, hyper, etc. it's always a good time to watch these. Remember, I'm a guy so I'm not going to gravitate to fluff like "27 Dresses" or "Head Over Heels". These are going to be movies that I found funny (usually because of the side characters as opposed to the romantic leads) that just happened to have some romance thrown in, or had such a quirky display of a relationship that I was too intrigued to not watch.  Anyway, here it is, my top ten rom coms:

Top 10 Favorite Comedies...

While I'm on the subject of comedies and in the mood to make lists, I've decided to give you, my dear readers, my top 10 favorite comedy films! Don't you feel lucky? Don't you just feel special?? Like all gooey and yummy inside? Really? Well, you may want to see a doctor about that. I'm just saying... Anyway, for those of you who just started reading this blog, let me tell you what my definition of favorite is. No, there is too much, let me sum up: A movie is a favorite when you'd be willing to watch it no matter WHAT mood you're in. Depressed, sad, happy, mad, whatever, if this movie pops up on On Demand or regular TV, you'd give it some serious thought to just sitting down and watching it. THAT is a favorite.

Top 10... Sci-Fi "Yo Mama" Jokes

For those of my dear readers who are too young to remember, back in the day, we had a quirky phenomenon in comedy for those of lower income. We couldn't afford the stuff that the "rich kids" had, and we often lamented our sorrows to each other. Inevitably, somewhere this started a competition over who was worse off. Then during this battle, someone's mom called them in for dinner or something. And th kids were having such a good time, they started grumbling about the kid's mom who called him away. The kid hearing this of course wanting to defend his mom started firing back with his own insults. Then it became a battle of who can come up with the most insulting comment. Something SO BAD, it would just shut the other kid up. Battles would go on for hours!! And the one rule, you could NOT repeat a joke! This is what started the whole bunch of jokes along the lines of:

Yo' Mama is so STUPID, she jumped out a window and went UP!!

To which people responded with "oooooh" and then the person you were battling came up with their own retort.

Yo' Mama is so FAT, she irons her clothes in the DRIVEWAY!!

Today, I found a video of Sci-Fi based Yo Mama jokes!!! To view the video you can click here. The audio is kind of shabby so I wrote out the list below. Check 'em out!!

10) Yo Mama is SO fat, the Enterprise's 5 year mission was to get around her!

09) Yo Mama got so many reverse polarity muon fluxes, she needs a re-calibrated reverberating
hydrospanner just to avoid the particle acceleration side effects!!

08) Yo Mama is so dumb, she thinks S-Y-F-Y is the right way to spell Sci-Fi!

07) Yo Mama is so ugly, SkyNet sent a Terminator back in time to smack her PARENTS!

06) Yo Mama is so fat, they had to beam her down is separate pieces!

05) Yo Mama is so dumb, she likes Star Trek Nemesis!

04) Yo Mama is so old, Cthulu signed her yearbook!

03) Yo Mama is so fat, I ate the SPICE and I STILL can't see the end of her butt!

02) Yo Mama is so fat, Jabba said, "DAMN!!"

01) Yo Mama is so fat, it takes TWO rings to bind her!

My personal favorite is #7. I've also been working on a few of my own:
**) Yo Mama is so ugly, after busting out a guy's chest & seeing her, the baby Alien went BACK IN!
**) Yo Mama is so nasty, they named her fart the Death Star!
**) Yo Mama is so dumb, when she heard "Tardis" she got feathers to go with it!!
**) Yo Mama is so ugly, not even Captain KIRK would hit that!!
**) Yo Mama is so old, she makes the Emperor look like a teenager!
**) Yo Mama is so dumb, when she heard "lightsaber" she thought it had less calories!!

What about YOU, my dear readers? Give me some of your best Sci-Fi Yo Mama jokes!!

Top Ten Movie Songs...

By now, my dear readers, you should all know that I am a unabashed movie lover. However, Loving movies isn't just about collecting a bunch of DVDs and stacking them in a bookshelf or collecting digital copies on an external hard drive. It's about appreciating all aspects of movies: direction, cinematography, acting, writing, and music. Yes, even music. No matter how powerfully written a scene is, adding the right music adds an infinitely greater power to the scene, be it comic or tragic, intense or lighthearted. And music has been an aspect of movies that I have not given props to in this blog. Well that ends right now.

I've compiled my top ten movie songs as an ode to the depth music adds to movies. Now, as always, there are ground rules. The song has to be an actual SONG, meaning having lyrics as well as music. (Musical scores will be in a future post, I promise.) And the song has to be indelibly, inextricably linked to the film. Just because it's a hit song and it was in a movie doesn't make it a real movie song. Ready? Here we go:

10 - From Electric Dreams(1986), Culture Club's "Love Is Love"

We start the list with a little known 80s movie about Miles and his new computer that on one fateful night comes alive thanks to a fortuitous spill of liquid into the machine. One of the best scenes is when the man tries to teach the computer the meaning of love so it can write a love song. The first version was... well horrendous would be too kind a word. After a bit more coaching from Miles, it "composes" the second version of the song to show what it has learned.






The real beauty of this scene is the simplicity of the cinematography. Lyrics on the computer screen and shots of the girl who is the object of both Miles and his computer's love. It enhances the music perfectly. Incidentally, this is the ONLY Culture Club song that I actually LIKE.

09 - From Mortal Kombat(1995), The Immortal's "Techno-Syndrome"

Yes, I know that this song was written specifically for the movie, but very few movie theme songs truly capture the spirit of the movie. I know this movie is horrible, and the fight choreography was even worse. But you have to admit, hearing that battle cry, "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!" just gets your blood pumping and ready for a fight!







For this song, I didn't include a clip from the movie, but this video does capture the spirit of the song even if the end credits kind of ruins the effect.

08 - From Weird Science (1985), Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science"

And we're back in the 80s with a John Hughes movie about 2 teen boys who manage to achieve the Holy Grail of nerddom by creating a real live girl with their computer. Yet, even though they created her, they still can't control her.






It's amazing that the same man who wrote the music for Beetlejuice and the 1989 Batman came up with such a light, pop song that could still touch upon so many of the themes of the film. And thank God too, the movie would not have been the same without it.

07 - From Eddie & The Cruisers 2(1989) - John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band's "Garden of Eden"

This movie was about a man struggling to suppress the music living inside him. Despite the world's loving his previous work.






This particular song is emblematic of the main themes of the movie. A song that sticks doesn't have to have a lot of flash, it only needs to speak to something deep inside you. Even with a simple topic like the struggles of a man trying to get a girl's attentions (and showing a young punk who thinks he's a musician what a REAL artist can do), you can write something that will stay with your audience forever.

06 - From Joe Vs. The Volcano(1990) - Eric Bourdon's "16 Tons"

Joe Vs. The Volcano is a low key movie with high powered actors that just needed the work. It tells the incredible story of Joe, a normal guy working a dead job and happens to him when he's diagnosed with a fatal disease called a "Brain Cloud".







Now this song wasn't written for the movie, just redone. This rock version while upping the power of the original song, also adds to the dank, soul-killing atmosphere that Joe finds himself in at the beginning of the movie and the strength of will it takes to survive in that environment and maybe, just maybe getting OUT of that world.

05 - From Risky Business(1983), Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock 'N' Roll"

Do I really need to introduce this? Really?






This scene is over 25 years old, and yet as soon as that song starts playing the first image that comes to mind is Tom Cruise sliding down the hall and dancing around rejoicing that his parents are gone.

04 - From Say Anything...(1989), Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"

To know Lloyd Dobler is to love him. Watch this movie and you will know Lloyd Dobler. This movie has so many awesome lines and great moments. This film pretty much sealed my appreciation of John Cusack's talent.






But who can forget that iconic moment with Cusack holding up the boombox as the couple's song plays trying to get his ex to talk to him again? Talk about a moment of movie magic! I was kind of hoping to find a video of the full song with that scene in it, but I had to settle for the music video.

03 - From Highlander(1986), Queen's "Who Want's To Live Forever?"

A movie of immortals roaming the world, in a contant struggle against each other to win the prize of being the last and only immortal left in the world. In the end, there can be only one!






While I have my personal favorite songs from the movie, this particular song speaks to the core themes of the film. How love can make you feel alive & help you pass the endless years of an immortal life. But when you have to watch your loved ones grow old and die, why would you want to live forever? Listening to this song can still bring tears to my eyes.

02 - From Almost Famous(2000), Elton John's "Tiny Dancer"

Almost Famous, the story of a young man chronicling his time with an up & coming band during the early 70s. It's a wonderfully touching coming of age story.






There are times when you're with a group of people that everyone seems to suddenly hit the same vibe. In fact, the movie is mostly about people trying to catch and keep that vibe going forever. This moment in the film captures it perfectly.

01 - From Legend(1985) (U.S. Version), Tangerine Dream's "Loved By The Sun

This is Ridley Scott's simple fairy tale. A story of innocence and love and how easily those can be corrupted. It was also my introduction to Tom Cruise. Looking at the movie 26 years later, I can see all the inherent flaws in the story as well as the production. (Honestly, I would LOVE to see Ridley do a remake of this one. Yet, I still find the movie utterly captivating. It will never lose it's hold on me.







Due to studio interference, Ridley Scott's original vision was never fully seen in the US until very recently. The biggest and most pervasive change was the removal of Jerry Goldsmith's soundtrack for what the studio thought would be a more effective pop soundtrack. I have since seen the original version and the studio made a grevious error with that change... except for this song. It's the one thing from the US version of the movie that I would keep. It captures everything the movie portrays: the simplicity of legendary stories, the majesty of nature, the beauty of love, the allure of innocence and the corosive effect of hatred. The video I selected for this is the best version I could find that represents the true power of this song for me.

And there you have it folks. My top ten movie songs. What are YOUR favorite movie music songs?

Top Ten Book Movies....

So, there I was taking a 5 min mental health break at work and I decided to cruise some of the blogs my friends like reading and I came across the blog of a new author, Jennifer Hillier, who had a post about her top ten favorite movies based off novels and the idea caught fire in my mind! Come on, I'm a movie buff and I read a lot. Are you seriously surprised that I'm enthusiastic about this idea!!

But, being a movie buff, I can't just spit out a bunch of movie titles. After all, there are so many great (and not so great) movie versions of books. But the rules here are very simple: I can only include movies based on novels I've ACTUALLY READ. So, a great movie like, Shawshank Redemption, is out because I never read the story it was based on. Let's see if I can actually make it to ten!

10) Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone by JK Rowling - While I did have some problems with the pacing of the film (it came across like a series of vignettes and not a school year in the life of Harry Potter), the movie managed to capture that sense of awe & wonder that is part & parcel of being a child and that the books had in spades. For me, it's what made the books so enjoyable to read.

09) Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams - Reading this series of books is taking a trip into a sci-fi wonderland built on complete and utter nonsense. A feat that I thought would be impossible to bring to live-action film. This movie proved me wrong. Now, I grant you the dry British style humor didn't really carry over to American audiences, but I still LOVED the movie.

08) Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton - In every book-to-movie translation, there are ideas that have to be dropped for many reasons. Watching the movie, I was amazed at how the filmmakers managed to retain so much of the core philosophy of the book with just a fossil (get it?) of the story line. And despite the media hype over the special effects of the movie, I was very relieved that the story had just as much importance as getting the dinosaurs as photo-realistic as possible.

07) LOTR: Fellowship of The Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien - Unlike the other two movies which mostly descended into a pattern of walking, fearfully waiting for major battle, inspired speech to dispel fear, major battle, and repeat, the first movie did exactly what the first book did: Make you fall in love with the Hobbits and their way of life. Pulling you into their world through kindness and affection and then gripping you with fear as that world is threatened. It was awesome!!!

06) The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown - This movie was basically a carbon copy of the book. Since the book was so awesome, the movie was therefore just as awesome. There's nothing like a good religious conspiracy to get the blood pumping!!!

 05) Noble House by James Clavell - This is probably the longest book I've ever read without it being assigned in some class. The incredible depth of detail that Clavell poured into that book was masterfully reproduced in the movie. (Granted it's a made for TV movie that was split over 3 nights, but it was such an amazing work I had to include it!!)

04) The Dark Half by Stephen King - As this blog proves, I like to write. And given my predisposition to the Sci-Fi & Fantasy genres, I had come up with the idea of writing something that becomes real, but Stephen King did an EXCEPTIONAL job with this book and the movie really captured that spirit. It's one of the few movies that EVER creeped me out.

03) American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis - When I heard that this book was being made into a movie, I thought it would suck. There was no way a human being could portray the multi-faceted psychological landscape of the main character. Then I watched the movie and it was like I was watching the book play out before my eyes. I was riveted. This was also my introduction to Christian Bale, who soon became one of my FAVORITE actors.

02) Interview With A Vampire by Anne Rice - This book was recommended to me by the chaplain at my college. Yes, that's right. A man of God recommended a vampire novel to me. And I was with Anne Rice when she made it publicly known that she disapproved of the movie and the casting. Then I WATCHED the movie & I was blown away. The movie captured the book so well it was startling. And, I still owe Tom Cruise an apology for doubting his ability to play Lestat. I just wish the other movie in this series had been done as well.

01) Silence of The Lambs by Thomas Harris - This movie introduced my all time favorite movie villain, Dr. Hannibal Lector, to the rest of the world. And while the movie modified certain details (as they all do), it did a fantastic job of capturing the soul of the book and the style of Hannibal himself. This movie is by far my all time favorite adaptation!





Honorable Mention:

A Stir of Echoes by Richard Matheson - While it couldn't find a spot on my top ten list, this movie definitely deserves an honorable mention. Again, the movie captured the creepiness of the novel, but it also managed to perfectly display the escalating frustration of the main character, a normal blue collar worker, who has to deal with an exceedingly bizarre series of events occurring in his life. This is probably my favorite Kevin Bacon movie!

Top Ten Reasons Having a Toddler Is Like Being At A Frat Party...

Now, anyone who's dealt with little children (as in below the age of 3) knows that they are no joke. While they can be adorable at times, they can also be crazy, wild, out of control, and completely reckless. In fact, it's just like being at frat party.

Tricia, a friend of mine who is currently dealing with the whirlwind of a toddler, has found a list written by someone who is also overwhelmed, made that connection, and decided to laugh about it. Here now are the top ten reasons having a toddler is like being at a frat party:

#10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

#9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

#8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

#7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

#6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

#5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

#4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

#3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

#2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

And the #1 reason having a toddler is like being at a frat party:

#1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there!!!

Top Ten Holiday Movies....

In keeping with the dark, twisted holiday themes of my life, I have compiled a list of my favorite holiday movies. These are the movies that have kept me sane (or what passes for sane for me) over the years during these festive, family focused frivolities. Before we get to the actual list, I want to give props to a couple of flicks that were good, but didn't rank high enough to make the list. First of the honorable mentions is Death Race. This one would have made the list except that most of the stuff that shows it takes place during the holidays is only on the Unrated version. Second, is The Addams Family which almost made the list on the strength of its opening scene of festive carolers about to be drenched in boiling liquid by the The Addamses! The master touch was the switch in the music from Christmas carol to The Addams Family theme.

And now, here are my top ten favorite holiday movies. 

10) Black Christmas (2006) - Christmas horror movies abound, but most of them focus on making the icons of the holiday evil, and there's only so many times I can watch Santa kill people before it gets old. This movie felt more like what my life would be like if I were caucasian and a serial killer. I'm already mentally deranged. One out of three ain't bad, right?

09) Nightmare Before Christmas - I always though this was a cool concept. The rituals of Christmas as interpreted by Halloween. This would have been higher, but a bunch of the songs are kind of annoying after the first viewing. Still the basic idea and the intensely impressive hard work in making this movie more than make up for the music.

08) Scrooged - This is probably the closest I'll ever get to liking a regular holiday movie. There's just something about the pathos and never ending sarcasm of Bill Murray that makes this movie awesome to watch. Even after he's been reformed, he still keeps the same style. This movie even made the three spirits fun!!

07) Lethal Weapon - There's nothing that warms the cockles of your heart than some good action during the holidays. And that's what Mel Gibson & Danny Glover deliver. Plus, we get a topless girl listening to Jingle Bell Rock, a shootout in a Christmas tree lot, and an epic hand to hand fight right in front of a somewhat cheerily decorated house! 

06) Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang - The deadpan wiseass humor of Robert Downey Jr and Val Kilmer make this a holiday favorite for me. And the bonus of Michelle Monaghan bouncing around in a sexy Santa outfit doesn't hurt either!

05) Gremlins - This movie is the single most anti-consumerist movie I have ever seen. A father takes a gift to his son, and that gift spawns a bunch of evil creatures that terrorize an entire town! Plus, Phoebe Cates delivering one of the most horrible Christmas memories in film history just makes me happy in the fact that there are people who have had worse Christmases than I!

04) Bad Santa - I prefer the unrated version of this movie, but the best part is (and I can't believe I'm going to say this) is the sex scene... "Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!" There's just something about that line that is just.... enchanting.

03) Trading Places - Where Gremlins is anti-consumerism. Trading Places is anti-commercialism. There's nothing that makes the holidays complete than having your boss take everything in your life away from you and give it to someone else, all for a lousy $1 bet!

02) The Ref - This movie is the closest I've seen to Christmas at my house growing up. Yelling, screaming, and gun play (well that was only the one year at my house, but still) and then a stupid meal that degenerates into more yelling, and screaming, until someone runs away.

01) Die Hard - This movie takes one of the most common holiday stories, trying to get to your family for the holidays, and gives it some major balls! No longer is it being stuck with strange people in a snow bound airport or small town. No, now it's a group of highly funded thieves pretending to be terrorists, with enough C4 to orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger and machine guns galore!! If this isn't a Christmas tradition at your house, make it one! Or else, I'll send John McLane to YOUR house and then we'll see how your house stands up to sustained gunfire & explosions from terrorists!

Top Ten Funny Halloween Movies

If I had the ability to choose my own birth date, there's only one option for me: October 31st. That's how much I love Halloween. I don't partake of the commercial aspects that much. I rarely dress up and I don't hand out candy. That's not what Halloween, or as it's originally known: All Hallows Eve, is about.

Halloween is about fear. Old world religions had the power of the Gods wax and wane just like the seasons, in order to cement the idea of the constant battle between Good and Evil. There was a day where the power of the Good & Righteous is restored to its full glory ready to take on the yearly battle against the Evils of the world. It was known as All Saint's Day. But on the eve of this holy day (See where the name came from?) the power of good would be at it's weakest and the people would take measures to defend themselves against the Evil. All the commercialized rituals we have now are based upon those initial rites of fear.

Given my personal mentality, I take the day of Halloween to explore the depths of those things that I should normally fear, but don't. And it's FUN!! It's my favorite time of year because I can come to believe that the rest of the world, for one night, joins me in rejoicing in the darkness. That for one night, the rest of the world can take glory from the triumph of the villains. While that's not really true, it's nice to indulge in, and it gives me a strong foundation for what comes immediately after: the Holiday season. So, every year, I dig up 4 or 5 horror movies to watch and take part in the joy of seeing people terrorized, running for their lives to no avail, and dying horrible, gruesome deaths to pay for their sins.

But not all of the horror movies are about delightful, abject fear. There are those who take Halloween from a different angle and take the scares and add humor. They make Halloween funny, where you jump and cry out and then laugh!  And that's what this post is about. I'm going to give you my top ten funny horror movies. Go and rent some, and temper your fear with laughter!

10) Little Shop Of Horrors - The only horror movie I know of where the plants dance and sing as they kill! How could you NOT have fun with that?

09) Teen Wolf - What better way to make a werewolf movie fun than to have shoddy production values and loads of teen angst! Plus, street surfing!!!

08) Young Frankenstein - Mel Brooks made this movie. That's all you need to know.

07) Zombieland - A crazy way to look at the rules for surviving a zombie apocalypse. Wit, sarcasm, and practical humor prove just as effective against zombies as they are against everything else.

06) From Dusk 'Til Dawn - From the moment I saw the first ad ("Vampires. No Interviews.") I knew I was going to laugh my ass off during this movie. It brings a delightful, wise ass sarcasm to vampire movies that is severely lacking. I mean, come on, just because you're facing a evil horde of bloodsuckers doesn't mean you can't toss out a couple of good barbs, right?

05) Gremlins - Dude, Gizmo made this movie. You remember the rules, right?

04) Army of Darkness - Talk about a wise ass horror movie and no other comes to mind. Now, I'm going to Borders to pick up my copy of the Necronomicon. How did that password phrase go? Clatu Verata.. Necktie? No.... umm... Nickel? No... Damm it, think!

03) The Frighteners - What? Ghosts can't have attitude? Just cause you dead don't mean you stop the con, right?

02) Ghostbusters - Come on, you knew this one was going to be on this list!! There was NO doubt. Oh, question for you: ARE YOU A GOD??

01) Beetlejuice - Hey, you deceased people out there! Do you have those pesky living folks infesting your home? Well, all you have to do is call the afterlife's one and only Bio-Exorcist! You know his name. So...   Say it once. Say it Twice. Third Time's the Charm...

Top Ten Favorite Movies of ALL TIME

Whenever someone found out how much I love movies, they always asked me the same question. "What is your favorite movie?" For a long time, I didn't have an answer. Because I could promote any movie I watched as the best or the worst if I were in the proper mindset. Then I came to find the perfect means for determining my favorite movie. The criteria is really simple. Ask yourselves this, dear readers, what movie would you always be into watching, no matter what mood you're in? Depressed cause your lover left? Watch this movie to forget your sorrows. Happy cause you got that job promotion? Watch this movie to close out the celebrations. Angry cause some one cut you off? Watch this movie to calm you down. If you can think of ONE movie to fit all those scenarios and whichever others are coming across your mind right now, THAT is your favorite movie.

As a movie lover, it took me a long time to create this list. Some of you may be surprised at an entry or two on this list. But most will read this list and say... Of course, those are the ones he likes. They are so obvious! So, I now present to you my top ten favorite movies of all time. This is the mother lode for me. If an alien culture contacted me about movies, these would be the movies I would show them.

10) The Princess Bride
This is an interesting entry for me. Normally, I would scoff at what is essentially nothing more than a period piece chick flick, right? WRONG! What makes this movie is EVERYTHING ELSE in it. It was like the producers wanted to make an awesome fantasy film and needed a love story to tie the individual scenes together. From my personal favorite, Inigo Montoya and his 20+ year quest for revenge, to the little boy sick in bed making faces at the "kissing parts", The Princess Bride is nothing less than fantastic.

09) Groundhog Day
This movie is fantastic because the premise is completely absurd, but handled in the most realistic way possible. A guy suddenly get stuck in a time loop, reliving the same day over & over again. No explanation. No reason why. No "test of your soul" or whatever. It just happens. How would you deal? What would you do? Another reason I love this movie is because it's a premise that can't be copied without referencing the original. Seriously, ever since this movie was released, any type of medium dealing with a person repeating time is described as a "Groundhog Day" event. This movie is unique, intriguing, amazing, and just fundamentally awesome!

08) The Matrix
It's exceptionally rare for me to encounter a film so densely packed with so many different philosophical treatises, so tightly written that can still be described as fucking KICK ASS!! The movie blends computer theory, existential philosophy, and various theological treatises using kung fu, spaceships and robots. Watching this movie was life changing for me. I never thought in a million years a movie like this would EVER make it past the Hollywood executives. And I'm glad it did. (NOTE: This list is just single films, otherwise the whole trilogy would be in this slot.)



07) Live Free Or Die Hard
This is another entry that people would find surprising. After all, if you like a series it's usually the first in the series that's the best. Like the main protagonist of the series, John McClane, did for the action hero, this series bucks the trend by getting better with each successive movie. The reason I love this movie is simple: DH4 shows that despite how advanced we think we are, or how awesome our technology is, the greatest power we have is our spirit. The technobabble is just a distraction. Our will to live, to survive; our determination to NOT be beaten. THAT is what drives us. It might not win us friends, or give us an easy life, but it drives us to succeed and compels us to move forward. To always strive for what's just out of our reach, no matter how hard it tries to elude us. (NOTE: Series favorites in order: 4, 1, 3, then 2)

06) T2: Judgement Day
Here's another series that showcases the power of the human spirit. But that's just one of the things that makes this movie awesome. You take the example of the human spirit, mix in the struggle against the demons that are fueled by that same spirit, add in the question of what makes a being human, ethics of the usage of technology in war, and some philosophy of time travel. Blend in some action and you got a fantastic ride that you'll want to re-live over and over again. (NOTE: Series favorites in order: 2, 1, 4, then 3)

05) Serenity
The thing about science fiction movies is that they tend to build upon each other which makes it very difficult to get original ideas. Serenity is an original view of the future. Most science fiction assumes a betterment of human society where everyone kind of levels out and people are always on equal footing. Serenity showed us that just because humanity reaches the stars, doesn't mean that we quell our social demons. That it's possible to advance technologically but still have no solutions for poverty, governments desire to control their citizen's thoughts, etc. Mash that up with some good old fashioned humor and some hell raisin' good times and you got something truly unique.

04) Fellowship Of The Ring
J.R.R. Tolkien is the father of modern fantasy. Period. Everything you know about elves, orcs, dwarves, trolls, etc. was collected and re-vamped by Tolkien's Lord Of The Rings series. Reading those books, assuming you don't get bogged down in the overwhelming details, you fall in love with the characters and through them the species they represent. For the first time ever, Hollywood has managed to create a decent representation of that world and from there accurately tell the story of Frodo and the other members of the Fellowship. And, they show how the fate of the greatest of societies hang on the actions of the individuals within those societies. This film showcases the strength of the bonds between people, human or not, and how those bonds allow us to overcome and endure what we think is unendurable. (NOTE: The whole series is awesome in order.)

03) Raiders Of The Lost Ark
Raiders introduced audiences to Indiana Jones, one of the unluckiest heroes in movie history. That he survived the first scenes of the film is a testament to not only his strength of will, but also to the depth of his knowledge. I think that's what got me into the Indiana Jones series. The fact that I was shown a hero that wasn't all about the action. Jones did the research, gained the knowledge he needed (and a lot more) and then used that knowledge to survive. Jones was a thinking man's hero. (NOTE: Series favorites in order: 1, 3, 2, then 4)

02) Return Of The Jedi
Star Wars borrows heavily from the trademarks of successful mythologies which, in turn, made the series into a wildly successful mythology. But out of the original trilogy, Return of The Jedi is my favorite because it took the typical payoff of the mythological story and grounded it in reality. Normally, the young upstart is trained by a old sage and then has the necessary power to defeat everything in his path. But in Jedi, that young upstart gets really good with his training, yet kind of like Icarus, bites off more than he can chew. And when he gets in trouble, who does he go to? His father. The same father who only moments before (in one of the GREATEST SPEECHES EVER!!) threatened to corrupt his own daughter's mind, now is the only salvation for his son. Coming from the fucked up family I have, I could most DEFINITELY relate! (NOTE: Series favorites in order: 6, 5, 4. Prequel Trilogy doesn't measure up.)

01) Back To The Future
The best sci-fi stories always use the technology they create to showcase some hidden aspect of the human condition. The best feature film example of this is my number one favorite movie of all time: Back To The Future. Yes, you could call it a time-travel movie, but that's not what it's really about. The movie is about a teenager seeing his parents when they were teenagers and realizing how MUCH they have in common despite the different times they lived in. A powerful statement about family and understanding that could only be brought about in a sci-fi or fantasy framework. At the same time, the movie also showcases the strengths humanity gains from it's traditions (the storytelling of the mother, which provided a contextual guide for how things were supposed to go in the past), the power of the bond between mentor and student (the Doc & Marty), and how dangerous humanity can be to itself given the improper use of technology. All of that, rolled up into ONE movie liberally dosed with fantastic music, intense writing ("What did I TELL YOU? 88 MILES PER HOUR!!!") and awesome comedy. It's no wonder that no matter what mood I'm in, I'd always watch Back To The Future and why it's my number one movie of all time.

That's my list, dear readers, what's yours?

Top Ten All Time Favorite TV & Movie Badasses

I was hanging out with my little sister on Sunday afternoon talking about random stuff. We got on the subject of TV shows and characters. I had a nice long rant about one of my favorites, Jack Bauer from 24 and how bad ass he is. After a little while, my sister asks the most brilliant question: would I rank Jack Bauer as my #1 favorite bad ass. That question was so awesome, it stopped me mid-rant!

And I started contemplating and compiling my list. After careful consideration, I came up with my top ten all time favorite bad asses of TV and movies. Now some ground rules: 1) This doesn't reflect real people, just the characters they play. 2) No characters solely based in literature or video games. The characters had to appear in either television or movie, live action or animated. 3) Only one character per movie franchise or television series. 4) Being bad ass doesn't necessarily mean a good guy, just cool, tough, intimidating, and fearsome in battle.

Now that we understand the rules, here's my top ten all time favorite TV & movie bad asses.

10) Wesley Wyndam-Price
(From Season 3 of Angel forward) - Given the amount of issues Wesley had to deal with over the course of his tenure in the Buffyverse, he should rank higher on this list, but he didn't really reach the requisite level of fearsomeness until season 3 of Angel. Given his limited time of fearsomeness, he comes in at number ten.

09) Ellen Ripley
(From the Alien movies) - Like the bulk of movie bad asses, Ripley didn't seem like much at first, but as their situation worsened, she rose to the occasion and succeeded where everyone else, even people better trained than her, failed. So, I would advise prompt obedience when you hear those fateful words, "Get away from her, you BITCH!!"

08) The Predator
(From the Predator movies) - There really isn't an explanation needed here. The point of every single one of the Predator movies was how bad ass of a hunter those things were. They do get credit for being honorable, though. They respect other hunters who prove their mettle in battle.

07) Jack Martin
(From the Transporter movies) - Even I have to admit, the caliber of the Transporter films varied from movie to movie. Despite the changes in quality, the Transporter himself never wavered in his fearsome lethality.

06) Micheal Myers
(From the Halloween movies) - He never said anything, but his silent appearances and supernatural ability to return from the dead not only made him bad ass but lent him a level of creepiness that earned Michael a permanent place in history as one of the best movie villains ever.

05) Jason Vorhees
(From the Friday the 13Th movies) - Jason has a very similar style to Micheal Myers, but where Michael is cold and distant, Jason has a charisma that makes you cheer him along as he kills all those idiotic teenyboppers. You never want to be in front of him, but anyone dumb enough to go to Camp Crystal Lake deserves it.

04) Blade
(From the Blade movies/TV series) - This is one bad ass that embodies the quality of cool. From his first movie appearance when he walked into a room full of vampires, BY HIMSELF, and the vampires backed away, Blade established himself as a major player and his subsequent performance in battle made him a lock for a spot on the bad ass list.

04) Sarah Connor
(From the Terminator movies/TV series) - The Terminator series pretty much generates bad asses. Anyone who survives more than five minutes with the Terminators earns the title of bad ass. What makes Sarah Connor my favorite is the same quality as Ellen Ripley. Sarah was put in a situation that would break most people and not only rose to the occasion, but she took the steps to prepare for when it happened again. The difference in her from the first movie to the second was nothing short of astonishing!!

03) Noah Bennett
(From the Heroes TV series) - A normal human in a world that was slowly filling with super-powered people, Bennett picked up the title of bad ass from his ability to be prepared for practically any super power, and his nearly superhuman ability to out-think anyone he faced off against. He's the Man With A Plan, and NEVER to be taken lightly or trifled with.

02) John McClane
(From the Die Hard movies) - Let's be honest here, McClane redefined what it was to be a bad ass in modern times. If you're so good the bad guys can't hurt you, then these bad guys aren't really a challenge which loses you the title of bad ass. McClane is the one who showed that being bad ass doesn't mean being untouchable, being bad ass means being UNSTOPPABLE. Being beat up, stabbed, shot, blown up, hit by cars... none of that mattered. NOTHING stopped McClane from getting the bad guys. Dude walked across a floor covered in broken shards of glass BAREFOOT and still managed to put down the bad guys.

01) Jack Bauer
(from the 24 TV series) - You probably already knew this, but yeah, Jack's number 1 in my book. There are people who believe that Bauer is nothing more than a TV version of McClane. I will admit that there is a high level of similarity between the two characters, but I don't see Jack Bauer as a clone of John McClane. I think that John McClane laid the groundwork thereby making it possible for a character like Jack Bauer to exist at all. After all, there is a highly important and very sharp distinction between Bauer and McClane: In the end, McClane always wins. He beats the bad guys & saves the girl (be it his wife, or his daughter, they survive.) Jack Bauer, on the other hand, is never ultimately victorious. NEVER. From the first season when he beat the terrorists only to arrive too late to save his wife, Bauer became a new breed of bad ass.

I mean think about it, not only does he excel in the field of combat, but he also navigates the world of politics very well, if a little on the direct side. And that doesn't even cover the hits he takes in his personal life. His wife dies, killed by his ex-girlfriend. Which leaves his relationship with his daughter at best, estranged. He meets another girl who leaves him because he's too committed to his job. His 3rd girlfriend ends up leaving him because he has to torture her ex-husband to get information and then forces a doctor to stop working on the ex-husband to try and save a potential witness so the ex-husband dies. Then she ends up being kidnapped and tortured by an enemy nation and comes back completely broken. His 4Th girlfriend ends up getting killed just after they consummate their relationship. I mean like SECONDS after. All that, PLUS having to deal with misguided or incompetent politicians, vicious terrorists, nuclear AND biological threats, betrayals from trusted co-workers, the government he fights for, AND his own family. I mean seriously, What the fuck, people!

Yet he still manages to save the country time & time again. If that isn't the ultimate level of bad ass, I don't know what is.

Top Ten List for 2009

Okay folks, The year is almost up and so I have come up with my FIRST ANNUAL TOP TEN MOVIES OF THE YEAR!!! Before we get started, I do have to mention that the movie Avatar is NOT on this list. Given how much time Mr. James Cameron had to make this film, I'm surprised at how underwhelmed I was at watching it. To paraphrase some reviewer out there, Avatar was basically a sci-fi action version of FernGully. After movies like T2, Titanic, Aliens, & the Abyss, Cameron has set a bar for himself.


Anyway, here are my top ten films for 2009:

10) Ninja Assassin -- I wrote a detailed review for this in a previous posting. In a nutshell, this movie did for ninjas what Frank Miller did for Batman with Dark Knight Returns. Ninja Assassin gave ninjas their balls back!

09) Friday The 13th -- I'm usually hesitant about horror movie re-boots, but this one was awesome! They made watching Jason Vorhees fun again and grounding him in reality was a master touch.

08) Taken -- Very few people understand how powerful Liam Neeson can be. The last movie that really captured that was Rob Roy. In Taken, Liam proves that you don't need flashy explosions and expensive gadgets to get the mission accomplished. Piss him off & he will find you and then he'll kill you.

07) The Hangover -- You don't know how refreshing it is to see an intelligent comedy in theaters. I loved this movie so much for being funny without thinking that I, as the viewer, am only into crude humor.

06) Zombieland -- The late, great George Carlin said that anything can be funny depending on how you construct the joke. Zombieland is an excellent proof of this. From the rules of surviving Zombieland to the surprise appearance of one my favorite actors, this film is top notch comedy.

05) Star Trek -- Most of the people I know will have a heart attack reading this. To think that I didn't put this film as number 1 is almost grounds for a very serious investigation into whether or not I've been replaced by an impostor. (I said almost!!) In all fairness, I LOVED this movie. However, I don't like that the science of the film was dumbed down. The beauty of Star Trek is that it can be appealing to everyone and still maintain its intelligence. But what knocked it out of #1 is that the best part of the movie is what happens AFTER the events of the movie, not the movie itself. After watching Star Trek, I launched myself on a 3 hour tirade of all that could be done now that the movie laid the ground work.


04) Surrogates -- This movie achieved what Gamer tried (and failed) to accomplish. Both films dealt with the idea of a logical extension of the world of virtual gaming (like Warcraft, EverQuest, The Sims, etc). However, Gamer trapped itself in references to instant gratification & reality-tv styling which killed the film's effectiveness. Surrogates dealt with the same concept from a much more efficient angle. No matter how far you remove yourself from the real world, reality will still catch up to you.

03) Angels & Demons -- This film was awesome. Tom Hanks did an excellent job conveying intelligence and power as Robert Langdon and the movie did an excellent job expanding the world they started with in Da Vinci code. I would have liked if they had kept the time format of the book, but that's just a minor detail.

02) Terminator Salvation -- I have to admit, when I first heard of this movie, I was completely against it. I've never been so glad to be proven wrong. First off, Christian Bale as John Connor was inspired!!! And we finally get to see the war against the machines! A lot of people watching this seem to think that this was the end of the war, when John Connor defeated SkyNet. But it's not. This was the true story of the Rise of John Connor. How he became the leader of the Resistance, and how he showed humanity that they could fight back & win against the machines.

Before we get to my number 1, I do have a few honorable mentions. First, there's Sherlock Holmes. I mean seriously is there a movie Robert Downey Jr doesn't make better? Then there's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Terry Gilliam... 'nuff said. Last for the honorable mentions is The Watchmen. Awesome production values, fantastic story, but the themes were slightly dated which knocked it out of my top ten.

And now for my number one movie of 2009.... *drum roll please....*

01) Fast & Furious -- Yes, believe it or not, this is my #1 for 2009. This movie is the only true sequel to The Fast & The Furious. The beauty of the first film was that the point of the movie was the crimes being committed underneath the shiny exterior of street racing and the moral issues that dealing with those crimes bring up. Parts 2 & 3 got caught up in the flash & sex appeal of racing, which makes for good eye candy but not good movies. Fast & Furious got back to those core themes that made the first one so irresistible, and a pleasure to watch over & over again.


What do you think? What's YOUR Top Ten?