As I’ve cruised through the Blogosphere, I’ve seen many posts about all of the facets of relationships. Recently, I’ve come across a bunch that talk about the attractiveness of a potential mate. It’s a rich subject, so there’s much about which to talk. And while I do understand why it’s so important, I find it staggering that for the gargantuan amount of information that’s out there on attraction, it’s all coming from the same point of view.
There’s a saying out there, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Essentially, this means that a person can not truly judge what is appealing about them, since they are not the one actually gauging one’s level of appeal. Consequently, everyone tackles the issue of attraction from the point of view of what they find attractive in others. It makes sense, but here’s my issue with that idea. It’s widely accepted that in order to have a healthy relationship, one must be themselves. But, if you’re trying to find someone, you must be attractive to potential candidates. Without examining the qualities YOU possess, the way you can be attractive is to resort to dishonesty to gain the attentions of potential mates. Pretending you have qualities you don't, or that you are someone you're not. And then when the truth comes out, disaster follows.
When I was working in New York City, a friend from work & I started talking about what we wanted in a girlfriend. We spent about fifteen minutes going back & forth listing physical qualities as well as personality traits that our perfect woman must have. A doorman, listening to our conversation, stopped us dead in our tracks with the following interjection, "That’s all well & good boys, but what do you have to offer HER?" I was astounded because I had never thought about it. Why in God’s name would my perfect woman whom I so meticulously described be interested in me?
So, to tackle this from a different angle, here’s what I think my perfect woman would love about me, based on actual evidence from previous girlfriends & other women I’ve dealt with in my life:
Physical qualities: None. Just kidding… ;-)
---Eyes: All the women I’ve ever dealt with have told me that my dark brown eyes are captivating. Although I’ve never tried, they seem to think I can stop a woman dead in her tracks with just my eyes. (Maybe I should consider contacts… )
---Lips: I’ve heard my lips described as soft, warm, and infinitely kissable.
---Hands: All of my exes loved having my hands on them. They told me my hands felt strong and sure, giving them a sense of safety.
And overall, I’m comfortable. It started with my sisters using me as a pillow when they were both tiny, and has since progessed to every single girlfriend I’ve ever had expressing a desire to curl up and just lay on top of me.
This is where I really shine because the qualities that most men find difficult I have in spades. I offer compassion, trustworthiness, reliablity, sincerity, humor, dedication, respect, and above all else, passion. It would seem that every single one of my girlfriends became interested in me after seeing me in some sort of passionate moment.
And that’s it. Those are the qualities I possess that would enable me to attract a potential girlfriend. Those are the tools I have to work with. The best part of me is who I am and the things I believe and that usually takes time to really sink in.
As for what I would like to see when I behold someone, I tend to be fairly simple on the subject. My perfect woman is intelligent so I can talk to her for hours, goofy so when we talk it could be about anything from a comic strip or politics, funny so we could enjoy laughing at each other’s jokes, cool so she wouldn’t feel the need to create drama, and independent so I’d know that she wants me in her life and not that she needs me to have a life. Oh, one other thing, and this is key, she has to actually LIKE me.
In the looks department, I’m even simpler. I tend to go for long hair (preferably black or red), lots of curves (like Mia Tyler), and glasses. See? It’s that easy. Thoughts? Comments? Ideas?