Here's a bit of humor to start your day, my dear readers.
In retrospect, I realize that was my mistake. Stepping outside.
The battle started with the doormat. The little fucker slid just as my foot landed so my leg just went out from under me. The screen door then screeched at me and smacked me while I was falling to alter my trajectory and I ended up falling to my right. I was wearing my backpack, which cleverly blocked the porch floor's attack. But, that pissed off the side wall who proceeded to crack me in the back of the head while angrily shouting, "Muthafucker!!"
As my head rebounds off the wall, the lower panel of the screen door puts King Leonidas to shame yelling, "SPARTA" and detaching itself from the rest of the door and flying directly at my face just in time to add the energy from my rebounding head to its strike.
Their anger sated, for the moment, they disengaged from me and allowed my roommate to help me regain my feet. When they asked what happened, I realize that the blitz attack happened so fast, no one else but me saw the real events of the attack.
I would like to say that I held up a lot better in this fight. I really do, but I can't. They caught me by surprise and it was 5 to 1 (doormat, screen door, wall, floor, and lower panel) odds. Plus, I'm a lover not a fighter, so I was doomed from the start. If this happens again, I hope I'll be ready and handle myself better.
But, I swear to you, my dear readers, that is EXACTLY what happened. So, beware of your apt, it might just be pissed at you, too!