It's difficult to say this, my dear readers, and I'm sure some of you have already directly from me, but I was laid off this past Thursday.
As for what happened, that's simple. My company lost a partner which made budget cuts necessary. By budget cuts, I mean lay offs. I wasn't the only one, but that isn't really a big comfort. The strangest part about all this is my reaction to it. I've been laid off before, and every time it happened there was always this surge of fear. It felt like my soul jumped into freezing cold water.
But this time was different. I felt... Nothing. There was no fear, no anger, not even sadness. For a moment, there was a faint twinge of surprise, but that was it. Now, four days after, it's still the same. I'm going through the motions that are necessary. You know, filing for unemployment, updating my resume, restarting my searches on the job sites, etc. But, there isn't anything behind it.
It's possible that this is some weird form of depression, but I'm not sure. I've dealt with depression before (repeatedly, but that's a story for another post), but this feels different. It feels like more of the same; like the same story told over again. I know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm doing it. But like a tale that you've heard a thousand times over, there's little to no impact.
I do have an appointment with the recruiter that got me this last job, so there is a good chance I could get another job relatively soon. In the meantime, I'm living day by day, trying to find ways to fill the time.