The Best Rejection EVER....

In reading the title for this post, one might ask how can a rejection be rated "best"? After all, rejection is always bad, right? Well, not exactly. In my job search immediately after I graduated from college, I was introduced to the "good" rejection when I applied to work at data storage company. I didn't get the job, which sucked, but the REASON why I didn't get the job was awesome. The HR guy basically told me that I was too enthusiastic about computers to be happy in the position they were offering. I would very quickly find the job mind numbingly dull and he couldn't, in good conscience, place me in that position. While I left that interview without a job, I also left with an amazing feeling: I was TOO GOOD for someone.

As you're aware, my dear readers, I'm in the middle of another job search. And once again, I got an AMAZING rejection. I applied for a application development position at Company X. At the beginning of the interview, I was told to mull over the things that were about to go over and call them back tomorrow to see if I was really interested in the role. I went through the interview, and spent the rest of the day, and most of the next day thinking about it. I called Company X back and left a message saying that I liked the place and I was definitely still interested in a position there. I figured it would be another day or so before I heard back, so I wasn't really feeling stressed or anything. Corporate hiring takes FOREVER. The only thing slower is GOVERNMENT hiring times.

Much to my surprise, a few hours later the lady from Company X's HR dept called me back! We went over my reactions to the interview, and then she gave me the run down from their perspective. It turns out that I was the last candidate to apply for the position and after considering all of them, they were going to offer the position to someone else. Right then, I was thinking, "Damn, oh well, at least they let me know quickly and didn't drag this out". And I was about to tell her something to the same effect when she continues with this:

"However, because we liked your personality so much and respect what you're doing in trying to learn more about development, we went to the CFO and secured funds to create a temporary position till the end of the year at which point we might get the funds to make it permanent, if you're interested."

Yes, that's right, my dear readers!! They didn't give me the job, but because they liked me so much, they created another duplicate contract-to-perm position JUST to give me a job!! Readers, I'll be completely honest here, my jaw hit the floor when I heard her say that! I accepted the position and I start Monday, October 8th!

This will go down in my book as the BEST REJECTION EVER!!! And I can officially say that I'm once again, gainfully employed!

Tough Week... Aftershocks

You know what's worse than an earthquake? The aftershocks. It's like a killer combo from a heavyweight boxer. The first full force punch cracks your defenses, but it's the follow up punches that put you down. Today, I got an aftershock of my last week. The job offer I was hoping to get... I didn't get. I was called out of the blue and told that the offer was 90% in the bag, they had some paperwork to finish, but I was pretty much in. I had to wait a week for a final answer. The time came and they asked for another week. (Again, I should've taken it as a sign.) Then, the answer came down... No. You might wonder Why? Well, they had problems with my history. Despite me explaining it to them several times, in person & over the phone, they still said no.

Frankly, I'm not able to keep going as I am on my Unemployment check. Company X's rejection now necessitates some drastic measures on my part. At this point, something has to give, and that something is me. Among all the things I've lost, I'm now losing another: my home. I can't afford to maintain my bills, my cell phone, my car, AND my apartment. Since I need the car and the cell, the rest HAS to go.

Don't worry about me, my dear readers. It turns out that I have an unexpected ace to play here. Those of you who know me, know that I'm a decent person; a nice guy, as it were. You also know that I've lamented over that fact ever since I realized that girls always want the BAD guy and not me. Being the nice guy has gotten me abused and taken advantage of for most of my life. (Several of my friends can attest to that fact.) I've tried to turn myself around, but my basic history, training, and experience has proven... difficult to overcome. However, in this instance, being a nice guy gained me the ace I mentioned earlier. A long time ago, I gave shelter (and a home) to a friend who needed one in a hurry. Now, they offered me the same. I would use this as proof that being a nice guy has benefits, but I don't believe it myself.

Any way you look at it, moving is the smart play. There is only a small cost for the move, and the benefits are vast. I'd save somewhere around $400 a month, just in rent. I also will save money by not being tethered to maintaining utility bills, aside from my cell phone. I also save by not having to purchase groceries on my own. My friends save on rent because I'd be covering a portion of it, so they get more money, too. Win-Win!

Socially, I get to hang with my friends every day. Including some new ones that live in the area. To be honest, they're all ecstatic about having me live with them, but I can't share the sentiment. Intellectually, I understand the angles I see. But, I'm losing my home. The little piece of real estate that is mine. The place I use to rest from the demands from the rest of the world and keep my head as straight as I can get it. I'm also losing another thing: my autonomy. A quality that I cherish, and that I had only regained a couple of years ago. Having to choose to relinquish it just adds to my already present depression due to my lack of work and the resultant train of relentless personal life crises I've dealt with ever since.

And then to make it worse, I know that my lack of enthusiasm hurts my friends feelings, because it makes it seem that I don't want to move in with them because I don't like them. They understand my dilemma, but it's still hurtful to witness. And it's painful to be the cause. I hope my fortunes turn for the better soon.

I'm not sure what little sanity I possess will last for much longer.

The End Of A Tough Week...

Ever since I was laid off at the beginning of Feb my life has been nothing but one crisis after another. It's been almost 4 months (wow, right?) of this non-stop crisis fighting and I'm just drained. Dodging evictions, utility shut offs, family issues (medical & otherwise), engaging in a full time job search, and facing off against MULTIPLE government agencies for help (and failing with most) just isn't easy. It's been a huge battle, and it's nowhere near over. I've only survived this long because of the strength & support of friends and some of my family, coping mechanisms I've learned over the course of my life, and pure ornery contrariness. (That last bit I didn't even realize until my landlord pointed it out to me!)

This week was a particularly painful one, though. For the past couple of months or so, I've been angling to get into a software programming training program that was funded by the state of NH. (I talked about it in a previous post.) Needless to say, I got in, but this was the first full week of intensive training. It's been awhile since I've been in school (and the subject matter is hard) so it was difficult to get into the swing of things again. It was a hard week. Then there was the stuff that happened outside of the training.

Let's take a step back. The Friday before last, I got a call from a company I had applied to (and interviewed with) a long while ago. They told me that I was 90% of the way to a job offer. They only needed to get some final paperwork & some due diligence done to complete everything. Company X also told me that I'd have an answer on the official job offer by the end of this week (May 18th).

By the beginning of this week, I driving around on an empty gas tank, and my cell phone was not working cause I didn't have the money to pay the bill. I was basically praying that I could survive until the check on Wed to put gas in the tank and re-start my cell service. Tuesday night, I come home from training to find that the power had been cut off. With no gas in the tank, and no cell, all I could do was sit in my apartment. So I spent the next FIVE HOURS doing nothing but sitting in the dark obsessing about how I was going to get any money to the power company. It's truly amazing how sitting in the dark helps focus the mind. With no distractions, I was able to collapse all the mental tracks in my head down to just the one problem: how to get my power back on. Everything I do is on computers, including my job search, so I really need electricity. Ironically, that time was really refreshing, focusing on one problem gave me a break from all the rest. At the five hour mark, my sister came home and I used her phone to contact the power company. She then loaned me the money to get the power back on. So, now I have power back on, but now I have someone ELSE I have to pay back.

Wednesday morning I got my phone back on, put gas in my car, and paid my weekly rent. I had no messages from Company X. I didn't hear anything at all the rest of the week either, not until Friday. (I should have taken that as a sign.) On Friday, I get a call from the company. They tell me that there are some issues with my resume. They feel uncomfortable with the amount of jobs I've had in recent years. Despite my explaining this to them during my in-person interview, I walk them through my long history of lay-offs. After that, I'm told that I have to wait another week for an answer. I protested, and told them that my life is going to hell in a hand basket and I needed an answer ASAP, but they stuck to the "need another week" story.

After that, I get a call from my car loan company. (Mind you this is DURING my classes, so I have to step away from my job training to answer these calls.) They tell me that I need to pay $205 by 5pm next Wednesday or they'll take the car. The most I can come up with and still be able to pay the rent, thereby avoiding the standing eviction I have with my landlord (Don't ask.) is $160. I ask if that would be enough. They said NO. I owe too much on the car and the $205 is the minimum they can take to keep the car from being repo'd. So, now I need to come up with approximately $50 or I won't have a car to drive to my potential new job!

The frustration had me almost in tears for the last hour and a half of training. Now I'm trying to figure out how to overcome this next obstacle. If and when I survive this, I just know there'll just be something else. At this point, I don't know if I have in me to beat this. I don't even know if I want to. After all, what's the fucking point? I've always told everyone that I endure. No matter what comes at me, I endure. But now, I'm asking "Why?". Why am I enduring all of this? What is the point? What do I get out of all of this besides a permanent case of depression?

My friends, family, and people in general, tell me that things will get better. I used to believe them, but now my belief is gone. And I'm sick of answering their platitudes with the natural question, "When?". The whole "Things will get better" thing is just a lie we all tell ourselves to give ourselves the boost to survive the next hour, day, or week. Again, I ask, what's the point? Why bother with the lie? Life would be less heartbreaking if we just stop lying to ourselves and face facts. Life isn't going to get better. This is it. Whatever you're dealing with now, is what you got for the long haul. Get used to it.

And yet, even with everything I've just written, in the back of my mind, I'm still working on what I can sell to make up the money I need to keep my car. I just can't seem to stop myself. So now, I guess I'm going to see what happens next. It looks like I'm just a glutton for punishment.

P.S. You're not going to believe this, my dear readers, but I wrote the content of this post long hand while sitting in a bar during a karaoke night. While surrounded by cute (albeit a little underfed) women gyrating to whatever song was being sung, I was writing this post out. What does THAT tell you about the week I've had?

End Of A Chapter...

It's difficult to say this, my dear readers, and I'm sure some of you have already directly from me, but I was laid off this past Thursday.

Yes, really.

As for what happened, that's simple. My company lost a partner which made budget cuts necessary. By budget cuts, I mean lay offs. I wasn't the only one, but that isn't really a big comfort. The strangest part about all this is my reaction to it. I've been laid off before, and every time it happened there was always this surge of fear. It felt like my soul jumped into freezing cold water.

But this time was different. I felt... Nothing. There was no fear, no anger, not even sadness. For a moment, there was a faint twinge of surprise, but that was it. Now, four days after, it's still the same. I'm going through the motions that are necessary. You know, filing for unemployment, updating my resume, restarting my searches on the job sites, etc. But, there isn't anything behind it.

It's possible that this is some weird form of depression, but I'm not sure. I've dealt with depression before (repeatedly, but that's a story for another post), but this feels different. It feels like more of the same; like the same story told over again. I know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm doing it. But like a tale that you've heard a thousand times over, there's little to no impact.

I do have an appointment with the recruiter that got me this last job, so there is a good chance I could get another job relatively soon. In the meantime, I'm living day by day, trying to find ways to fill the time.

New Month, New Job

I have a confession to make, my dear readers, I have been keeping something from you. I didn't want to jinx it, and I also didn't want to make a big deal of it during the final two weeks at my last job. Plus, there was the end of 24 which hit me in a big way. So, it wasn't anything DELIBERATE per se, but a combination of a desire for discretion and being overwhelmed with other things.

Here's the story:
While I was working at SD, I kept up my job search. I mean I was happy to have a job again, end user support isn't my ideal job, and my paycheck wasn't covering what I needed to cover. I applied to a bunch of places, registered with a couple of headhunting/staffing firms, waited, and then started again.

Time passed, I got better at end user support. I made some friends (which I intend to KEEP, by the way) and things got more bearable. Then about 2 and a half weeks ago, I got a call from one of the staffing firms talking about an opportunity with a small company called Pinpoint Global. I got the call on a Thursday. The interview was set for the next Monday morning. By that afternoon, I had the job and I gave my two weeks notice.

I didn't make a big deal about my leaving SD. I told people that needed to know, and a couple of other people. Then it was all about surviving the next two weeks. Man, that was torture. It's different working at job you don't like when you can't get out, but knowing you're going to leave, and still having to work there is an excruciating experience. Try it sometime if you don't believe me. I wouldn't have made it if it weren't for the friends I made there. To all of you, and you all know who you are: From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

And that concludes the sappiness section of this post. Here are the pertinent details:

Company name : Pinpoint Global
Job Title: Customer Helpdesk
Job Type: Contract-To-Perm
Length of Contract: 3 months
Hours: First shift (9-5ish)
Pay: $20/hr

First impressions of PPG are positive. I like the space, the people are friendly, and I like the work laptop they set me up with! And for the first time in awhile, I feel good. It won't last (never does) but I'm enjoying it while it's here. It's the start of a new month. I have a new job. Things are good.

Search...

Currently, I'm searching for three things.

A Better Job

Yes, I have a job right now. It's a good job. But, I already know it's not for me. I want to be in a job where I have the opportunity to be creative. I want to be writing software. Taking random bits & pieces of logic and stringing them together to create.... something. Anything. So, my job search goes on. I send out resumes. And I improve myself, learning new technologies, trying to keep up with the ever changing industry I chose for my life's work.

A Roommate

One of the things that I know is I can't support living where I am on the current job I have. I need help paying rent & utilities. More help that my current roommate can provide. Since I now have an empty room, I'm looking for another roommate. It's an interesting thing to think about. I'm looking for a person to bring into my home. I'm actually looking for some stranger to let into my own personal Imaginarium. I even have an ad up on CraigsList. The weirdest thing... there are people actually RESPONDING TO IT!!

A Car

Speaking about CraigsList, I'm also cruising through CL looking for a cheap mode of transportation. I'm low on funds, and even lower on my credit rating. Hopefully, with the addition of a rent-paying roommate, some of the financial pressures will be lifted & I'll be able to afford a slightly better car, but in the meantime, I need a cheap, car. In the parlance of my sister, I need a "beater".

The S*** Has Hit The Fan!!

Well folks, I'm sorry to say that I have to take my place on the long line of folks in UnEmploymentLand. Yes, I lost my job. Funny saying that... I know where the job is. The location of it hasn't changed... I'm just not charged with those duties any more.

Many people in my situation would be fuming, plotting evil schemes against the company, or whining in self-pity and sorrow. Crying "Woe is me!!" for all to hear. Crying for attention, pity and hand-holding from those around them. Well, F*** THAT! I'm too much of a realist to let that crap slow me down. Why I lost the job doesn't really matter. The company has to protect itself at all times, and especially in these tough times. They made a decision to protect themselves. That's it. It's not some conspiracy against me, or some evil cosmic being punishing me.

WHAT I DO NOW IS WHAT MATTERS.

The point is I need a steady source of income. Meaning, I NEED A JOB! So, instead of wasting time feeling sorry for myself or hosting a pity party, I'm going to get back on the band wagon, and start hunting down a new paying gig. Being the logical person that I am, I came up with a plan.

Step One: Figure out if unemployment benefits apply to me. If they do, get them started.

Step Two: Revise my resume and put it back in circulation

Step Three: Bring my development skill set up to current technology.

Step Four: Develop a demo project or three to show prospective employers

These particular steps should put me in a strong position to acquire a new job. If, dear reader, you wish to help me, then by all means, I welcome it. Just don't sympathize. "I'm so sorry..." doesn't help me. Giving me job leads, resume tips, or ideas on coding projects that I can do. That helps me.

As a parting thought, think on this:
Most of my life, the worst things that happened to me happened during the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday seasons. This event counts as a Bad Thing(tm). And I have a 20+ year backlog of this. Can you at least understand why I HATE this time of year?