Saturday, May 26, 2012

Tough Week... Aftershocks

You know what's worse than an earthquake? The aftershocks. It's like a killer combo from a heavyweight boxer. The first full force punch cracks your defenses, but it's the follow up punches that put you down. Today, I got an aftershock of my last week. The job offer I was hoping to get... I didn't get. I was called out of the blue and told that the offer was 90% in the bag, they had some paperwork to finish, but I was pretty much in. I had to wait a week for a final answer. The time came and they asked for another week. (Again, I should've taken it as a sign.) Then, the answer came down... No. You might wonder Why? Well, they had problems with my history. Despite me explaining it to them several times, in person & over the phone, they still said no.

Frankly, I'm not able to keep going as I am on my Unemployment check. Company X's rejection now necessitates some drastic measures on my part. At this point, something has to give, and that something is me. Among all the things I've lost, I'm now losing another: my home. I can't afford to maintain my bills, my cell phone, my car, AND my apartment. Since I need the car and the cell, the rest HAS to go.

Don't worry about me, my dear readers. It turns out that I have an unexpected ace to play here. Those of you who know me, know that I'm a decent person; a nice guy, as it were. You also know that I've lamented over that fact ever since I realized that girls always want the BAD guy and not me. Being the nice guy has gotten me abused and taken advantage of for most of my life. (Several of my friends can attest to that fact.) I've tried to turn myself around, but my basic history, training, and experience has proven... difficult to overcome. However, in this instance, being a nice guy gained me the ace I mentioned earlier. A long time ago, I gave shelter (and a home) to a friend who needed one in a hurry. Now, they offered me the same. I would use this as proof that being a nice guy has benefits, but I don't believe it myself.

Any way you look at it, moving is the smart play. There is only a small cost for the move, and the benefits are vast. I'd save somewhere around $400 a month, just in rent. I also will save money by not being tethered to maintaining utility bills, aside from my cell phone. I also save by not having to purchase groceries on my own. My friends save on rent because I'd be covering a portion of it, so they get more money, too. Win-Win!

Socially, I get to hang with my friends every day. Including some new ones that live in the area. To be honest, they're all ecstatic about having me live with them, but I can't share the sentiment. Intellectually, I understand the angles I see. But, I'm losing my home. The little piece of real estate that is mine. The place I use to rest from the demands from the rest of the world and keep my head as straight as I can get it. I'm also losing another thing: my autonomy. A quality that I cherish, and that I had only regained a couple of years ago. Having to choose to relinquish it just adds to my already present depression due to my lack of work and the resultant train of relentless personal life crises I've dealt with ever since.

And then to make it worse, I know that my lack of enthusiasm hurts my friends feelings, because it makes it seem that I don't want to move in with them because I don't like them. They understand my dilemma, but it's still hurtful to witness. And it's painful to be the cause. I hope my fortunes turn for the better soon.

I'm not sure what little sanity I possess will last for much longer.

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