Monday, December 6, 2010

Company Christmas Party: The Aftermath...

Well, I made it through the Christmas party. Overall impression: underwhelmed. For the past six months, I heard stories about how wild & crazy this particular party was going to be. With every story things got wilder & wilder. There were hints of lesbian make out sessions, clothes swapping, and other interesting things. Instead, I got a bunch of people playing pool, drinking, and talking.

After a few minutes of arriving, I decided to not go through with the "get totally wasted" plan and just drink a little bit to get a nice buzz and then ride out the buzz at the festivities. Now, don't get me wrong, I actually had fun. I know, I couldn't believe it either. I actually ENJOYED being out with people, drinking and talking. I think I'm losing my hermit tendencies.

I was even considering hitting on this absolutely GORGEOUS waitress, but common sense prevailed and I did not. Instead, I ogled all the hot women I work with (now slightly dressed up) and the hot girlfriends/spouses of my male colleagues. It was a lot of ogling, but after 3 or 4 Long Island Iced Teas, I knew I was up to the task. I also talked about increasingly erratic and bizarre topics with my co-workers, such as: the risk/reward analysis of actually hitting on the waitress I was checking out, whether or not a pool table would make a suitable bed, the benefits of substituting a relationship with Internet porn and prostitutes, whether or not online dating is relatable to a confidence scam, etc.

I had planned on bringing a date, but online dating did not produce anyone in time, and my alternate choice for a companion got locked down at her job, so I was stag for the night, but it was still a good time. And I made it home safe & sound. All in all, it was a good time, but I was hoping for a bit of a wilder time. There would be SO many more stories I couldn't tell!


  1. Nonsense, the blogosphere holds no secrets -- tell away!

    Oh, and yours sounded like the typical office Happy Hours I've been to. No one wants to let loose in front of their co-workers. They all say they will, but they never do. Especially if the boss is around.

    And you should have hit on that waitress. It's not so much that you would have a chance or not . . . just that asking is always better than not asking. Do it enough times--like, really get into the habit and all--and you're bound to strike gold at some point. You're just bound to!

    Oh, but it helps if you have a good buzz going on first. Not fall-down drunk, but care-free buzz. Have fun, joke around. That's the spirit(s)!

  2. Actually, from what I've heard, this tamer version of the Company Christmas Party (which henceforth shall be known as CCP.) is due to the fact that shots are no longer paid for by the company.

    As for hitting on the waitress, I understand that it's a numbers game. The more women you hit on, the greater the chance one will respond favorably. But, waitresses are in a special category due to their profession, because they get hit on all the time.

    The last thing they need on a busy night (the place had THREE completely independent CCPs going on), is to have to deal with someone hitting on them. Plus, she's giving me something that I have to actually drink, which leaves me vulnerable to many different things if the hitting on her goes badly (spitting in my drink being the least of my worries).

    Despite being buzzed at the time, I think the Risk/Rewards Analysis was correct in determining that it was a better idea to not hit on her.

  3. *Yoda voice*

    ". . . That is why you fail." :)

  4. Yesah... I walked right into that one...